There’s a lot of competition out there for the claim of “Worst Movie Ever Made,” but I’m willing to go so far as saying Blood Freak (1972) is in the running. It is without a doubt a singularly miserable movie. Its primary director — and onscreen, chain-smoking and prone-to-coughing-fits narrator — Brad F. Grinter seems to have run some kind of filmmaking school in Miami. (And people wonder why I tell them that film schools are mostly useless?). His most (in)famous opus is Flesh Feast (1970) in which poor, alcoholic and befuddled Veronica Lake (who was also conned into helping finance the thing) played a scientist with a plastic-surgery technique involving maggots — there is also some nonsense about bringing Hitler back to power. It may well be worse than Blood Freak — certainly, its use of Lake is more embarrassing and cruel than the talentless lot here. That doesn’t make Blood Freak any good, mind you. Of course, the very existence of a Christian-based, anti-drug gore movie featuring a blood-drinking monster with a papier-mâché turkey head sounds intriguing. On a curio level, I guess it is. Realistically, it’s more interesting to think about than to watch. The production values are non-existent. The gore is laughable. The level of writing and acting is a few notches below porn. (The heroine wondering how the children would feel having a turkey-headed monster for a father — indeed whether they might be similarly afflicted — is the highlight.) The story never makes any sense, and the ending is a total cop-out of the hoariest kind. Go on, don’t believe me. I had to see for myself, too, but don’t say you weren’t warned.
Orbit DVD will screen Blood Freak Wed., Nov. 27, at 9 p.m. at The Odditorium.