Based on Ken Hanke’s raving five-star review ["Snowpiercer," July 9, Xpress], we saw the new movie Snowpiercer.
Having endured the two-hour farce, I can only surmise Hanke is enjoying either payola or powerful psychoactive drugs.
This was one of those movies that was so unapologetically bad that it was almost good. It was good in the sense of it entertaining via the many laughable absurdities provided for any mildly astute viewer. Here are a few examples:
1. Our hero Curtis and his partner Gillian begin their siege of the train and find themselves faced with a car load of hooded, ax-wielding goons, and he turns to Gillian and utters in all seriousness, “Be careful.” This, sadly, was not tongue in cheek.
2. A little further on when the mayhem is at full throttle, Curtis does a Three Stooges pratfall on a dead fish, a plot device introduced earlier that is totally disconnected from the thin plot.
And 3. Nearing completion of his mission, Curtis attempts to explain the motivation for his selfless heroics with a rambling story of his early days after civilization collapsed: “They were going to eat the baby, but then a man cut off his own arm and said, ‘Eat this instead.’ Soon other people were cutting off arms and legs to save the baby. … I’ve never seen anything like that before.”
Well, let’s hope not, people! And we as the audience are supposed to take such drivel seriously! I won’t even describe the ending, not to avoid a spoiler, but because I was left speechless and still can’t find the words to portray such inanity.
Snowpiercer screams for a return of the brilliant and sadly forgotten Mystery Science Theater 3000. The movie would provide a rich mine of laughable moments deserving their trademark witty derision.
Unfortunately, Hanke cannot return the two hours of my life I’d like back that I wasted on this movie, but I feel it his moral obligation to reimburse to me the admission price as well as to other viewers who feel as duped as I.