Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler May 22-28: Fast and Epic Hangover

You know it’s a pretty dire week when the thing I’m most looking forward to is Fast & Furious 6. (And you can imagine how much it pains me to type those words.) There’s not even a single new art title to brighten the weekend (no, last Friday’s ActionFest offering, Java Heat, going to a full run doesn’t count) — merely three mainstream movies I find it hard to get jazzed about. These are the conditions that prevail.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler December 12-18: Hitch and Hobbits

Much like last week, this one is not exactly bubbling over with titles. In fact, we once again find ourselves faced with two movies. Unlike last week, there’s no sense here of movies being brought in just to put something new up on those screens. Indeed, these are movies people — not necessarily the same people — have been waiting to see.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler June 13-17: That’s the Sound of Rock Hysteria

Usually by this time of the year I’ve started giving some thought to what’s likely to qualify for a “Best of” list come the year’s end, but the truth is that so far the pickings have been what you’d call lean. We’ve had one sure thing and a couple of maybes — and leave us face it, that’s not so hot for a year that’s racing toward being half over. With that in mind, I’m pleased to announce that one more strong candidate opens this Friday. There are also three other titles that are not strong candidates.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler May 30-June 5: Bernie and the Undefeated DD Huntsman UPDATED

It’s a two and two week — two mainstream titles and two art titles (there’s a flood of art titles just now), and all in all, it looks like the art titles are the better deal, though it’s just possible that one of the mainstreamers will be a pleasant surprise. The other one? Far less likely. In fact, it’s so less likely that no one booked the lesser one after all. However, something else is!

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler April 24-May 1: Being Flynn with a Bike Footnote

This is a week of riches where the art titles are concerned. It’s not all that unusual that we get three art movies in one week. It is unusual when we get three of them I’d classify as being in the “must-see” realm. And it’s even more unusual when it happens in April. For that matter, there are also four other movies of the mainstream variety headed our way. Offhand, they seem likely to be shy of the “must-see” realm.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler April 11-17: ActionFest Lockout Stooges Raid in the Woods

OK, look: It’s ActionFest weekend— what more do you really need to know prior to Monday? There are more movies than you can shake a stick at (if you care for that sort of thing) without having to even consider the rather grim prospect of such things as The Three Stooges. And I’ll be taking a sneak peak at that tomorrow. But for now, let’s go ahead and consider the week on the whole.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler March 21-27: Chico & Rita’s Crazy Horse Thin Ice Hunger Games

If it was measured in sheer quantity, the indie and art titles would win this coming weekend hands down—at least locally. There are three of them—and something else harder to quantify—up against one mainstream film. By rights, it ought to be a blood bath. And it will be, but with that solo juggernaut that is The Hunger Games the easy victor.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler March 14-20: Lean Times

Is there some little something you’ve been putting off doing that didn’t involve going to the movies? Some project? It could be anything from organizing your DVDs to starting to slog your way through War and Peace. You know that stack of DVDs you’ve been meaning to get at? Well, this may be the weekend to undertake any of those things. To say that the pickings are lean is probably an understatement. What we have are a whopping two titles—one of which is probably not worthy of the word “title,” let alone “movie.” The other … well, that remains to be seen.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler March 7-13: A Thousand Silent House John Carters with Kids

The fact that the American public forked over $70 million this past weekend to see Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax, and another $21 million to watch Project X is fairly compelling evidence that the reason Hollywood continues to traffic in the mediocre is that the public actually likes it. At the very least, the public keeps on encouraging them to deliver the not-so-good goods. Just bear that in mind when you complain about how bad movies are. And we get four new ones to choose from this week—three of the mainstream variety, and one that’s at least sort of art house.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Feb. 29-March 6: A Separation Lorax Pariah

It’s kind of a light week from where I sit (and I’m not sorry), since we get four movies this week and I’ve seen two of them already. We’ve got two mainstream releases and two art titles overall, though, so it may not be so light from your perspective. And with a couple of last week’s titles being given the bum’s rush, you might want to consider some mid-week trips to the movies, too.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Feb. 22-28: Gone with Tyler Perry’s Bullhead Wanderlust of Pina Valor

So this week we have no less than six new movies opening. That sounds like an embarassment of riches, doesn’t it? Well, at least two of them qualify as riches. Some of the others have all the earmarks of more likely just being embarassments—an impression not helped by the fact that not a single one of them has been screened for critics. It’s going to be pretty much what we call in technical parlance, a crap shoot.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Feb. 15-21: The Secret World of Ghost Rider War

I look at this week’s three offerings—two mainstream, one art house—and the first thing that immediately occurs to me is that it has to be better than last week. Since I’d already seen the Oscar shorts, last weekend was a complete washout for me. How bad was it with those out of the mix? Well, this week is one of the few editions that carries no Weekly Pick. That’s grim. That’s February grim.