The Profiler

Becky Upham posts a weekly workout playlist, as well as a featured song of the day, on her blog: beckyupham.com.

The Suspect: Bassnectar

Bassnectar is the performing name for the freeform electronic music artist Lorin Ashton. He specializes in sudden shifts in meter and multiple layers of samples. He calls his tempo-changing style “omni-tempo maximalism”; his legions of fans just call it “Siiiick!” He’s collaborated with Diplo and RJD2, and he’s performed many a celebrated set at Coachella, Lollapalooza, ACL and Bonnaroo.

Can Be Found: Asheville Civic Center, Saturday, Feb. 19.

RIYD (Recommended if You Dig): Deadmau5, STS9.

You Should Go If: You don’t go anywhere that your pet snake isn’t welcome; you text people who are actually in the room with you; much of your free time is dedicated to working on your costume for the WonderCom convention; you’re thoroughly convinced that MySpace is going to make a comeback.

The Suspect: Cornmeal

For the first six years Cornmeal performed each and every Wednesday in Chicago to their small but loyal fan base (and before you worry about the commute, they are actually from the Windy City.) As is the case with any self-respecting jam band, they’ve shared the stage with Little Feat, Leftover Salmon, YMSB, moe. and Umphrey’s McGee. Last year saw the release of the band’s first live album, and according the band’s website, they were also deemed “A band to watch out for.” Promise or warning?

Can Be Found: Pisgah Brewing, Saturday, Feb. 19.

RIYD: Blueground Undergrass, Greensky Bluegrass.

You Should Go If: Your massage therapist asks you to leave your socks and underwear on; you gave away your cat because you felt “suffocated” by the responsibility; you were one of the first people to wear a knit cap even when it was hot outside; you’re thoroughly convinced that batik floor-length skirts are going to make a comeback.

The Suspect: Punch Brothers

The Punch Brothers received a backhanded compliment a few weeks ago in a Huffington Post blog about the “Mental Starvation of Americans”: “We turn bitchy housewives … into cultural icons, and largely ignore people with immense talent walking amongst us like guitarist Joe Bonamassa, painter Alex Katz, or the Punch Brothers (unless Steve Martin sits in and they’re on Letterman.)” And yes, they did play with Martin on Late Night

Can Be Found: The Orange Peel, Saturday, Feb. 20.

RIYD: Chris Thile, Wood Brothers, Steep Canyon Rangers.

You Should Go If: You’re pretty sure that Verizon getting the iPhone is going to be the highlight of your year; you always call even your closest friends by their first and last names; you are the guy who lesbians date when they are between girlfriends; you’re thoroughly convinced that bolo ties are going to make a comeback.

The Suspect: Trombone Shorty

He was an honored guest on the Super Bowl-winning Saints’ Mardi Gras float. USA Today calls his live performances “blistering, bold, exuberant and cutting edge.” Lenny Kravitz calls him “a beautiful human being.” U2’s The Edge says “We were just mesmerized by him.” (Keep in mind that last quote is from is from someone who is around Bono all the time.)  His latest release, Backatown, combines genres in a way that T-bone calls “Supafunkrock,” and it’s been showered with critical praise.

Can Be Found: The Orange Peel, Wednesday, Feb. 23.

RIYD: Dirty Dozen Brass Band, Galactic.

You Should Go If: You own two or more pairs of white jeans; when you say something funny you usually repeat it at least three more times throughout the night to ensure that everyone heard it; you’re in denial that Natalie Portman is pregnant and it’s not your baby; you’re thoroughly convinced that immaculately polished shoes are going to make a comeback.

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2 thoughts on “The Profiler

  1. Rick

    This is awful writing!!!! If you are a fan of the Onion than they are probably going to sue because the stench has reached their offices in Milwaukee, WI. Your humor is dry and witless. If you are going to insult people a least get your facts straight and do it with some balls. Instead you have taken your dryness and given it a life that is more like the annoying sound of a fly when it should be at least a little more informative before getting into tasteless insults. Rather it gives way to a humorless base then into an unstructured ramble that makes no sense to anyone reading it. I am sad that your editors seem to like it. They must live in a room with the heat turned up to 120 degrees while looking at sites like People of Walmart and giving it a rating system based on what the people were wearing in the picks minus how far it is from there mothers basements. Thus a perfect equation for a bunch of joyless, bullying jerks. Give it up please!!!!

  2. bikeman

    This column gives me a great idea of the type of crowd I can expect to find at a show, and whether or not I may need to stay clear of some shows.
    Just like bad TV, if you don’t like it, turn it off. No one is being forced to read this column.

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