Do you have what it takes to survive an entire weekend on Bele Chere Island? Take this simple quiz to find out.
1. You’d love a starring role in which of the following shows:
a. Lost … with your checkered past you’d fit right in.
b. Survivor … you have a difficult personality and you look great in a bikini.
c. Gilligan’s Island … you’re an easily identifiable stereotype.
d. Fantasy Island … you hate your life.
2. How are your fire-building skills?
a. You’re so good at starting fires that you’ve accidentally burned down two buildings and a 30-acre wood.
b. On campouts you build the fire, tend to the fire, sleep next to the fire and put the fire out. Put down that stick — I am the Fireman!
c. You really, really, really hate it when your hair smells like smoke.
d. It usually takes you four matches to light a candle.
3. Island living would be a breeze for you because:
a. You already own four coconut bras and two grass skirts.
b. The leftover sand in the car from your Memorial Day beach weekend doesn’t bother you in the least.
c. Your hair responds well to high levels of humidity.
d. Drinking out of a pineapple, even a plastic pineapple, is awesome.
4. Are you an adventurous eater?
a. You have a standing order for “the part of the cow that no normal person would touch with a 10-foot pole” at the Greenlife meat counter.
b. You were voted “Most likely to eat something truly disgusting on a dare” by your fraternity brothers.
c. You only recently stopped faxing your dietary restrictions to potential dinner hosts.
d. After much prodding, you’ve added Red Lobster to your Olive Garden/Applebee’s restaurant rotation.
5. Is hydration ever an issue for you?
a. Last year you stopped all fluids the Tuesday before Bele Chere, never used the port-a-johns once, and suffered only a slight headache on Sunday evening.
b. Liquids hold little to no appeal for you.
c. Doubtful, since you drink 14 cups of coffee a day.
d. You wear a Camelbak to any outings that take you farther than a mile away from home.
Agree or Disagree with the following statements:
1. I always order the fruit cup when given an option.
2. I continually seek out socially acceptable ways to be naked in public.
3. I own/have owned a hot tub.
4. Jimmy Buffet was and continues to be a formative influence in my life.
5. “Me time” is very important.
6. I own the Castaway DVD.
7. I have talked to a volleyball about office politics when my mother wasn’t picking up.
8. I have a shell collection.
9. I have a shell collection that I display.
10. I have a shell collection that I display, and it’s not in my bathroom.
For the multiple choice questions, give yourself 3 points for every “A” answer, 2 points for every “B” answer, 1 point for every “C” answer and 0 for every “D” answer.
For the Agree or Disagree, give yourself 2 points for every Agree and 0 points for every Disagree.
30 points or higher: The Complete Coconut: Seriously? Were you raised by a pack of starfish? When you’re not building skyscraper sandcastles or helping friends execute highly technical lobster bakes, you’re bodysurfing your way into complete awesomeness. A ‘ole pilikia!
19 to 29 points: The Green Banana: So maybe you’re not a complete natural at this whole island living gig, but you can hang. A backpack and a detailed checklist will help you succeed on this island journey. Aloha!
18 or fewer points: The Washed Up Plastic Bottle: OK, Wow, don’t worry, we can work with you. Try hanging around the periphery of the island until you’re sure you have your bearings. Have three emergency contacts on speed dial and bring a change of underwear. If all goes well, take the total plunge on Saturday. Pomaika!