Musical Missed Connections

They Might Be Giants

How Can I Sing Like A Girl?

Shelia Simone, that’s how. Simone has luxurious long blond hair and the body of Miss Piggy, if Miss Piggy had had access to a trainer. Both of my therapists agree that she’s a harmless and emotionally healthy outlet for my feminine energy. Bonus! She’s also the best way I’ve found to make friends since Quizzo. You may have noticed her old-soul-yet-hope-filled eyes purposefully batting in your direction at last month’s puppet slam? I can do that just by wiggling my pinky. Isn’t that cool?  We’ll be waving our freak flag at They Might Be Giants; find us if you don’t think three’s a crowd.

They Might Be Giants visit the Orange Peel on Wednesday, Sept. 28 at 9 p.m. This alt-pop band began in the early ‘80s, quirky when quirky wasn’t cool. They’ve also released a few very popular children’s albums, and contributed songs to Meet the Robinsons and Coraline. The band released its 15th studio album, Join Us, earlier this summer.

This Point is Hardly Moot

Why, why did I ever go on the 1982 Beta Club Convention trip? Couldn’t you have waited until I was at least out of the county before you let my best friend get in your pants? Were you trying to get back at me when you gave him the puka shell necklace that we picked out together in Myrtle Beach? And for what? Being an honor student? Also, why didn’t you dress like Madonna when you were dating me? And how come certain things stopped being “super gross” with him? I know it’s been almost 30 years, but I need closure. Meet me this Saturday at Rick Springfield?

‘80s heartthrob Rick Springfield is best known for his role as Dr. Noah Drake on General Hospital, and his pop hits “Jesse’s Girl” and “I’ve Done Everything for You.” His biography, Late, Late at Night: A Memoir was published last year. He plays Harrah’s Cherokee Casino on Saturday, Sept. 24 at 7:30 p.m.

Hillbilly Hill Country Gal

You turned me into a Facebook stalker. I almost don’t want to meet you because that’s when everything usually just goes to hell. So if you don’t want to meet me, it’s OK. It might be better if you don’t meet me, really. That a woman like you exists is enough. You with your motorcycle as profile picture, you with the “I hope Tom Brady gets decapitated this Sunday” status, you who belongs to “Repeal the Seat Belt Law, Repeal the Helmet Law, Why Can’t We Buy Liquor on Sundays,” and “Cold Beer and Hot Wings” groups. I’m afraid someone made you up just to torture me, but if you’re real, meet me at Wayne “The Train” Hancock Sunday night.

Wayne “The Train” Hancock rolls into the Grey Eagle on Sunday, Sept. 25; Close your eyes and you might think you’ve been transported back 60 years or so and listening to the country twangs of Hank Williams. This disciple of hard-livin’ hillbilly style has been recording on the alt-country label Bloodshot Records since 2001.

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