Here at Xpress, we're suggesting retro kitsch for the perfect, easily pulled together theme for your holiday parties. Last week, we recommended in all seriousness that you serve Krystal burgers on a silver tray, speared with toothpicks. OK, maybe we were joking, but if you actually do that this year, please send pictures.
Now, we're turning to the part of entertaining that's nearly essential for tidings of good cheer, at least in our book: the drinks. What goes better with horrible holiday sweaters and silver tinsel than a little eggnog?
Eggnog is one of those polarizing foodstuffs, like cilantro or headcheese. There's even a Facebook page called "Eggnog is Gross," dedicated exclusively to hating on the viscous holiday potion. Of course, it only has about 65 members, so a sweeping movement it is not.
Interestingly enough, a Facebook page offering an opposing viewpoint entitled, "Just because eggnog has raw eggs in it, it’s not gross. It is incredible," had only 22 fans. (Perhaps it was the long-windedness of the point the administrator was trying to make.)
Which reminds us: Do you want an eggnog recipe? A spiked one? We've helpfully provided a guide to making your own, if you're that sort of holiday do-it-yourself-er. Should you not have time for those sorts of (admittedly complicated) shenanigans, eggnog is easy to come by this time of year in the dairy aisle of your grocery store.
Of course, if your eggnog is coming from the dairy case, it likely won't come pre-boozed. In that case, it's up to you to spike the punch. If adult eggnog seems a little too passé, consider classing it up by throwing it into a martini glass with a little vodka. That way, you'll know the true jerks at your party — the people that launch into a dissertation of what constitutes a "proper" martini are the folks you can gently show to the door.
The good people at the Rankin Vault Cocktail Lounge were kind enough to provide a recipe, which we've reprinted for you. They've also provided a recipe for booze-y sipping chocolate. Both are available for order at the Vault through the holiday season.
If eggnog or hot cocktails aren't your thing, you may like what the owners of the Yacht Club whipped up for us. If there's one bar in town that does retro-kitsch right, it's the Patton Avenue tiki bar, with its island theme and twinkling colored lights. The occasional metal played over the speakers only adds to the ambiance, people.
Yacht Club co-owner Chuckie Velvet whipped up a mint-white chocolate martini that she dubbed "Santa's Little Helper" with Stoli Vanil, a white-chocolate liqueur and creme de menthe. "It looks really cool," she says. "It's layered from green to white and, on the top, we're drawing designs with raspberry syrup and garnishing with mint leaves. It's pretty cool and tastes good, too."
And as far as kitsch factor goes? "I drew a candy cane on the top of it, so it's super corn-ball," says Velvet. And the name? "It's kind of like mother's little helper? You know, a bottle of Xanax and a fifth of gin?"
Velvet offers one extra tip for the kitschy holiday party bar. "You can never have too many paper umbrellas. Even Santa likes paper umbrellas in his drink. It's always tiki time."
— Mackensy Lunsford can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.