We’ve been subjected to holiday music for more than a month, Which is, for some, more than a month too long. We asked some of our favorite local musicians which holiday song they really hated. You know, that one song that every time it comes on the radio just made them want to jam icicles in their ears and drive head-on into the first Santa lawn ornament they see. And, man, did we ever get a response. Scrooges, all of us.
Seth Kauffman (Floating Action)
"Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney. That song's way too catchy in the bad way. Something about it stirs up anger in me, not Christmas spirit. Can't figure out why. Definitely makes me want to turn off the radio immediately and wreck on purpose.
"Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney. BLECH!!!!!!!! Jingle bells and that weird-ass keyboard sound. ICK! It sounds like he just wrote a jingle (no pun intended) and kept repeating it over and over for three-and-a-half painful minutes … It's just so sugary saccharin sweet that it gives my cavities cavities!! muah ha ha ha ha.
Lauren Habenicht (Young Couples)
"Wonderful Christmastime." I associate it with working in the mall, where it would loop into the Xmas lineup every 20 minutes.
Jon Reid (Jar-E)
Anything by Celine Dion. My sister and I have a Christmas tradition in which one of the first things I do when arriving at her house for the holidays is the take the Celine Dion Christmas record out of her CD changer and hide it somewhere in the house. I imagine that she finds the disc sometime around July each year because every December, it's back in the stereo. I guess it's the little things.
Ryan Cox (The If You Wannas)
"Carol of the Bells," because it sounds like an overly busy minor-key apocalypse. It would fit nicely on Metallica's Black Album.
Todd Britton (Analog Moon)
“Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” Somewhere between the loungy arrangement and the embarrassing subject matter of a guy begging a girl to stay while funneling drinks down her throat until she’s too drunk (and it’s too cold) to leave is a good reason to ban this song from existence. And the terrible call-and-response lyrics make you want to jump in and tell everyone to shut up and go home.“You’re cut off! Both of you!”
Matt Evans (Just Die!)
"Baby, It's Cold Outside."
I remember working as seasonal help at an unnamed corporate record store and this song would play on the hour, every hour. By the time Christmas rolled around, I had put in many hours at a bummer job with this song as my soundtrack. Now, every year I can't help but think about that song and how miserable that job was.
Chris Lee (Kovacs & the Polar Bear)
I really hate the Eurythmics version of "Winter Wonderland." It's sooo bad, the synthesizers plus her voice, it's this haunting cacophony … a Christmas nightmare.
Foul Mouth Jerk (GFE)
I hate all Xmas music and I'd rather chew tin-foil than listen to any of it. But if I have to choose one most-hated song it would probably be "Grandma Got Run Over by A Reindeer,” because it's the Larry the Cable Guy of Xmas Music. The last thing the most irritating form of music on the planet needed was a goofy, country-comedy twist.
Stephanie Morgan (Stephaniesid)
I can't stand "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." It reminds me of a brief time in my life when I lived in my dead step-grandma's trailer and had a teacher who liked to use the term "white trash." (Incidentally, Mee-Maw was not killed by a reindeer.)
Mike Clair (Grammer School)
I really have an issue with the novelty classic "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” The elderly should be revered and respected, especially during the holidays. Sweet, old ladies have no other choice but to hear a sick tale of grandmothers getting slaughtered by the same animals that will bring presents to their grandchildren the next morning. I hate the idea that grannys shopping for bad sweaters or having lunch at J&S Cafeteria are subjected to a cheesy jingle that portrays grandmothers in such a negative light. The holidays are a time for grandparents to be loved and appreciated, not trampled by a herd of blood-thirsty Arctic caribou.
Dulci Ellenberger and Jason Mencer (Now You See Them)
Dulci: Anything by Jessica Simpson, really. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to sing Christmas songs, and she's one of 'em.
Jason: "Tennessee Christmas" by Amy Grant. That song has a way of being stuck in my head all year round.
Javi Bolea (Rbts Win/Kings Of Prussia)
"I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" by Gayla Peevey. Bad lyrics. Vocals make me cringe. The last thing you would ever wanna hear tired on a Christmas morning. Although on a positive note: I would love a hippopotamus for Christmas!
James DeDakis and Nick Campbell (WAGES)
James: "Jingle Bell Rock" is an entirely misleading song. Jingle bells simply do not rock. Never has the sound of jingle bells been added to something and the response been, "Man, now that rocks!" In literal terms, jingle bells bounce or bob, they do not rock. And, let's face it, the song actually "swings," it does not "rock."
Nick: There is nothing too sugary, literally or figuratively, for me to stomach (last night I ate ice cream sprinkles by themselves while watching Music & Lyrics). So I have an incredibly high tolerance for holiday music, and can't say any single song annoys me noticeably. Bring it on!
Shweez (Sherwyn Nicholls of Two Fresh)
"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift. Do I need to say much? She's an alien…
Ben Riva (The Trainwreks)
I would have to say "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." When I was a kid my grandmother would sing it to me so off key that I would laugh so hard until I peed my pajamas. It became a regular thing. Now every time I hear it makes me have to pee so bad I have to run to the toilet. Sometimes I'm sad to say I don't make it.
Drew Heller (Toubab Krewe)
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." With all due respect to the magical mammals of flight, the melody and words of this song stick in my mind like little thorny seed pods, blossoming and blooming into cycles of song I can't easily get out of my head.
Jordan Luff (The Campaign 1984)
Britney Spears' "My Only Wish (This Year)" has to be the most nauseating piece of garbage I've had to endure during the holidays. It's about Britney pleading with Saint Nick to carry some, I presume, half-naked Abercrombie hunk down the chimney and drop him off under the tree for her to have her way with. It hurts my brain how dumb this is.
Pancho Romero Bond (Sirius.B)
"A Holly Jolly Christmas,” written by Johnny Marks (also the writer of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree") is my least favorite song during this season of saccharine banal,and over-played music. This song, originally sung by the Quinto Sisters, was sung by some guy named Burl Ives in the Rudolph movie, and the song makes me a bit sick to my stomach, especially heard out of the context of Rudolph. Oddly, I've always sort of loved "Silver and Gold," also sung by Burl Ives, through the character of the friendly, wise snowman in the Rudolph film.
I have an unusual story regarding Xmas songs. I grew up less then a mile from Santa's Village, an Xmas theme park which blasted Xmas music over their sound system all summer long! So I go into a weird neurosis every time I hear even one song!
Tim Scroggs (The Enemy Lovers)
The Enemy Lovers have talked and unanimously agree "Santa Baby" by Madonna or Joan Javits is one of the worst Christmas songs ever. The song really has nothing to do with the spirit of Christmas. All we can picture when it comes on the radio is a hot, half-dressed chick trying to turn Santa on, and that is just wrong. Isn't Santa jolly enough? It's the exact opposite of the giving, warm feeling of family and chestnuts roasting on an open fire that we grew up with.
"Christmas Time is Here" from Charlie Brown. The chords make me woozy. Something about it makes me feel kinda dizzy and sickly.
Molly Kummerle (Paper Tiger)
A lot of Christmas music actually really gets on my nerves, unless it’s tastefully presented. It's all too chipper. Mostly, "Jingle Bells." The melody line is horrible, the lyrics don't make any sense, and it's usually started out as a sing along in a key that doesn't really work for anyone.
Jason Smith (Night's Bright Colors)
Neil Diamond's classic butchering of "O Holy Night.” "O Holy Moly" might be more apt. Normally I'm a big fan of Neil but when, in his version, the chorus kicks in with the usual (and usually appreciated) bombast, I have to change the station. Ironically, it takes away from the dramatic structure and chordal arrangement of the piece, reducing it to caricature. I can almost hear “We Comin’ to Bethlehem!”
Shane Perlowin (Ahleuchatistas)
I hate "Do They Know it's Christmas?" It is a typical sentiment of imperial paternalism to assume that indigenous peoples would be better off if they assimilated our superstitions and values. Nauseating. Musically, however, quite the catchy tune. So, cheers to that!!!