Edgy Mama: Getting your mojo back

It’s a new year, and I’m guessing most of us have made a resolution or two. So now, it’s time to pave the way to hell with them (to paraphrase Mark Twain).

In my lifelong experience as a female, I’ve noticed that most of my resolutions (and those of my friends with ovaries) tend to be around increasing mojo. In other words, women typically want to make changes that help us look and feel sexier and more self-confident. If, like me, you’re a member of the mom club, you’ve resolved to lose weight, get fit, eat better, drink less alcohol, etc., almost every New Year’s — with the end goal of re-accessing that pre-mommy mojo.

And yes, weight loss, increased exercise, and healthier eating and drinking can make us feel better, thus smoothing the path to increased esteem and sex appeal. Of course they can. But those paving stones get fiery fast, don’t they?

Here’s what I think. Kind of like good sex, good mojo is all in our heads. While moms who’ve exchanged several years of taking care of themselves for taking care of kids may feel their ability to rediscover that mojo is akin to climbing Mount Everest without oxygen — it’s not. Your mojo’s still there. It may just be hiding under layers of baby spit-up and dirty laundry.

I don’t typically read women’s magazines, but I did read through a few on-line in order to see what they say about moms regaining their mojo. Turns out that they don’t say much. These mags realize that moms aren’t their target audience. Because we don’t have the time or the energy to reread the same articles they’ve been recycling for most of our lives (how many times can you read a “How to improve your sex life” article? By the time you’re my age, about a million times. Oh, and there’s only one answer to that. Stop reading and do it already).

Basically, most of the world doesn’t give a damn about mom’s mojo, because mom wears yoga pants and forgets to brush her hair and fantasizes about sleep. Which is fine, because most women who come across as sexy are sexy, not because of what they wear or how they look, but because of how they feel about themselves. That’s mojo. What’s also compelling is having run through a few fires and having survived — scars are part of your story and definitely contribute to mojo.

While us moms may have paved that road to hell with failed resolutions, many of us also have had the opportunity to sledgehammer some of that pavement into tiny pieces. Mojo includes, I think, the confidence that arises out of dispensing with (some) fear and overcoming obstacles.

If you can check five or more life experiences off this list, you’re bound to be a mojo-rich survivor: pregnancy, miscarriage, birth of child(ren), birth trauma or defect, death of loved one(s), addiction recovery, addiction of loved one(s), serious or chronic illness, serious or chronic illness of loved one(s), sexual abuse or harassment, verbal abuse or harassment, assault, victim of crime, divorce, betrayal, job loss, business failure, bankruptcy, serious accident(s), significant loss (of person, pet, home, etc.).

I say go ahead and make those resolutions—but don’t worry if they end up as super-heated paving stones. Just look at what you’ve done and what you’re doing and remind yourself that you don’t need to be skinny and stuffed with beta-carotene to regain your mojo. It’s there — buried but accessible — resolutions or no.