Metaphors be with him

If you didn’t get tickets to/don’t care about/aren’t going to Saturday’s sold out Jack White show at the Orange Peel, just ignore this blog. However, if you’ve been planning out your black-and-red/bird of prey-themed outfit for, like, the last six weeks, here’s a little something you should know:

Tomorrow’s show could set a record. As in, a Guinness Book of World Records record. According to a press release, “During the rest of the performances on his current tour supporting his new album Blunderbuss (which incidentally is currently in the running for the world record of ‘the fastest named album in history’ *pending), Jack White will every night on stage attempt to break the world record for most metaphors in a single concert.”

How, you ask? Well, that reminds to be seen. Though extreme daring, danger and feats of endurance. Prepare to be amazed. And, also, to follow a few simple pointers: “Third Man Records encourages all attendees of said concerts to please not interfere or interject with any metaphors that they witness occur during the show as to not disqualify or worse yet, trivialize the metaphor in question,” says the press release. “In addition, all concert attendees are encouraged to entice as many metaphors to occur during the show that they possibly can as long as they don’t endanger themselves or Mr. White.”

Probably best to do a few metaphor-enticing drills in advance. Just a thought. For assistance, consult (and possibly download) the 99 metaphors of love and the Top 10 Metaphors of Stephen Colbert.

The show deets: Saturday, May 19, 9 p.m. Alabama Shakes opens. In case you don’t know about the Alabama Shakes, read this so you know why you should get to the show in time for the opener.

About Alli Marshall
Alli Marshall is the arts section editor at Mountain Xpress. She's lived in Asheville for more than 20 years and loves live music, visual art, fiction and friendly dogs. Alli is the winner of the 2016 Thomas Wolfe Fiction Prize and the author of the novel "How to Talk to Rockstars," published by Logosophia Books. Follow me @alli_marshall

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