Valentine’s Day … and the pressure is on

I like the idea of Valentine’s Day. What’s not to like about celebrating love and eating chocolate?

What I don’t like is the commercialism around the day — or the pressure associated with it. We all know what the former looks like: towering stacks of heart-shaped corn-syrup-laden candy; overpriced mass-produced sickly sentimental cards; and garish forced hothouse flowers that smell like … well, not like they should.

What does the pressure looks like? “Why the hell do I feel compelled to make this a special romantic day for my loved ones because some ancient Roman dude helped soldiers marry their sweethearts behind Emperor Claudius’ back?” (Seems that married guys were thought to make poor soldiers because of their emotional attachments — i.e., perhaps it’s easier to throw your life away in battle if you’re not thinking about the wife and four babies who will starve when you don’t return).

In past years, I’ve dealt with Valentine’s Day by making a few cards and giving good dark chocolate to those I love (hate to tell you this, but the cheap stuff contains so little cacao that the aphrodisiac qualities are nil).

My kids’ primary experience of the day, so far, is gorging on candy and having to make 20-something construction paper hearts to give to each of their classmates.

But the pressure, oh, the pressure, starts early, doesn’t it? Remember the agony of deciding who got which Valentine and whether or not writing “love” on it was appropriate or would get you shunned from the playground for life? Wait … maybe that pressure’s still there for some of us, though now we have the option of being VD grumps and claiming that none of that stuff matters anymore. Cause we’re mature adults, right?

But my kids are starting to pick up on the romance part of the pressure equation (that’s supposed to be a capital “R”). My oldest doesn’t have a “boyfriend,” because she’s 12 years old — which I want to write in all caps, but I’ll refrain from shouting.

However, according to my girl, a number of her friends do have boyfriends and girlfriends. I’m not sure what “dating” entails at this tender age, but you can bet there’s gonna be some pressure when it comes to the big VD (I actually did have a “boyfriend” in sixth grade. For about a week, I went “steady” with him. Our entire relationship was conducted via notes passed between us by an intermediary. We never spoke to each other or even looked at each other. Of course, today’s relationships can progress entirely via text message, which makes the note-passing of yesteryear seem kind of steamy — or maybe I’m just old).

So, while I’m thrilled that my daughter is not yet going “steady” with anyone, I recognize that at some point both my kids will have to deal with the pressure of how to measure up to Valentine’s Day expectations.

I have no clue how I’ll deal with that, except to tell them how incredibly hurt I was when the boy I thought was madly in love with me sent me a white carnation instead of a red one in high school. I’ll also tell them I survived that trauma. I’ll explain that most teens and pre-teens are emotionally challenged (as are way too many adults). I’ll let them know that lots of us are feeling the same angst and agony around the day that they are. And that Valentine’s Day is just another day, like Christmas, that has been taken over by marketers to help big corporations make more money. I’ll tell them that the day probably evolved from a pagan festival that the Christians co-opted (before St. Valentine entered the scene).

Though I don’t think I’ll tell them that the pagan holiday, Lupercalia, was an orgiastic fertility celebration. They don’t need to know that.

SHARE

Thanks for reading through to the end…

We share your inclination to get the whole story. For the past 25 years, Xpress has been committed to in-depth, balanced reporting about the greater Asheville area. We want everyone to have access to our stories. That’s a big part of why we've never charged for the paper or put up a paywall.

We’re pretty sure that you know journalism faces big challenges these days. Advertising no longer pays the whole cost. Media outlets around the country are asking their readers to chip in. Xpress needs help, too. We hope you’ll consider signing up to be a member of Xpress. For as little as $5 a month — the cost of a craft beer or kombucha — you can help keep local journalism strong. It only takes a moment.

Before you comment

The comments section is here to provide a platform for civil dialogue on the issues we face together as a local community. Xpress is committed to offering this platform for all voices, but when the tone of the discussion gets nasty or strays off topic, we believe many people choose not to participate. Xpress editors are determined to moderate comments to ensure a constructive interchange is maintained. All comments judged not to be in keeping with the spirit of civil discourse will be removed and repeat violators will be banned. See here for our terms of service. Thank you for being part of this effort to promote respectful discussion.

8 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day … and the pressure is on

  1. dpewen

    This is not one of my favorite days … I do not eat chocolate and refuse to be forced to do the date thing … how cheap and commercial. I take my lady out all the time and she also hates this day … it is pretty much for losers who cannot get a real date.

  2. “…it is pretty much for losers who cannot get a real date.”

    Ouch. That’s pretty condescending. Some folks are single by choice. That doesn’t make them “losers.”

  3. dpewen

    I am single by choice … that has nothing to do with a forced valentine date

  4. brebro

    Next year, your column should focus on how all this candy contributes to obesity and how many people are double by choice.

  5. coursepate

    Since red stimulates the heartbeat and breathing … is valentine’s day really also providing us with a national stress test day …

  6. bill smith

    [i]Though I don’t think I’ll tell them that the pagan holiday, Lupercalia, was an orgiastic fertility celebration. They don’t need to know that[/i]

    Tell the children the Truth!

Leave a Reply to dpewen ×

To leave a reply you may Login with your Mountain Xpress account, connect socially or enter your name and e-mail. Your e-mail address will not be published. All fields are required.