Xpress stages Twitter-based talk show, “LOCAL MATTERS”

Along about 11 a.m. Saturday, July 10, some MX irregulars — reportedly Michael Muller, Mackensy Lunsford and Anne Fitten Glenn — commandeered the network portals and set up base camps at Posana’s and Pack’s Tavern, where they held forth for almost four hours on Twitter under the banner “Local Matters,” tweeting into the MX news feed using the hashtag #avlshow. Herewith is a transcript. (Note that whoever is tweeting identified at the beginning of each line.)

P.S. Let us know what you think.

@MXeat: ‘Bout time to get this show on the road. I hope the @MXnews interns pour a decent bloody mary. I have to drink in order to put up with all of these questions. Alright, shoot!

@mxnews: How long have you been writing about food? [pause] Apparently, Mackensy/@MXeat is having a difficult time typing.
@MXeat: I started writing for the Xpress in 2005. I was the first food writer. Before that, I was working in professional kitchens.

@mxnews: Do you always drink this early in the day?
@MXeat: I’ve done everything from washing dishes to actually owning a restaurant. By the way, @fobes has suggested that we use the hashtag #avlshow. And @michaelfmuller is already too drunk to comply.

@mxnews: Dammit … So, where were we? Oh right. Do you always drink so early in the day? Tell us all ittle about what you do, #mxeat. Do you review restaurants?
@MXeat: I don’t do restaurant reviews, at least that’s not our format right now. We focus on food news in general.

@mxnews: .@MXeat, You have the body of a 12-year old Vietnamese rice-paddy worker. How do you maintain such a svelte figure?
@MXeat: A steady diet of bacon, bourbon and stress seems to work for me.

@mxnews: .@MXeat, I love your tattoos, by the way. Do any of them depict your favorite foods?
@MXeat: No, but some of them are actually food. See that right there? That’s part of my chorizo scramble. Got a napkin?

@mxnews: Oh my. Another Bloody Mary over here! .@MXeat, So, does @fobes let you use his AARP card to get his senior citizen discounts when you go to all these restaurants?
@MXeat: @mxnews, Not touching that one. Have another bloody mary. Oh, get me one too.  #avlbooze

@mxnews: .@MXeat, Let’s talk restaurants. I hear there are some new ones open downtown.
@MXeat: There are a bunch popping up. @TinglesCafe just opened, as you know. You were there last night — stealing things.
@mxnews: .@MXeat, I was treated for kleptomania several years ago but the therapy apparently didn’t stick. How do you like @TinglesCafe?
@MXeat: We all have our issues. @TinglesCafe is good. They make some bangin’ housemade sodas; the blueberry cream is outstanding.

@Brewgasm: Hello! @mxnews, I’m on my way. Tho we may have to repair to Pack’s for a local flight of brew goodness.

@mxnews: .@MXeat, I really liked the pie, myself — although the uniforms were a little whorish for my delicate sensibilities.
@MXeat: @mxnews, I don’t know what you mean. Those outfits are hot. But not hooker hot.  #cherrypie
@mxnews: .@MXeat, Let’s move on before I’m arrested. Tell me about Bouchon Street Food. (Aside: The Poor thing is a little drunk.)
@MXeat: Well, @frenchstfoodavl is quick, good stuff. I had a duck confit crepe w local mushrooms & goat cheese w/frites & red pepper mayo. It’s also pretty cheap. And … They have home made hot dogs. But they call em chien chaud or something fruity like that.

@mxnews: .@MXeat, Sometimes I think people are gay, but they’re really just French. Or from South Carolina. .@MXeat, What other restaurants are opening around town?
@MXeat: There’s the Twisted Crepe, opening next to Cafe Ello on Haywood. Also, Cucina 24 Deli on Wall St.

@mxnews: .@MXeat, Do you find it unusual that so many new places are opening in what is supposed to be a bad economy?
@MXeat: @mxnews, That’s interesting, right? Most of these folks are expanding. Bouchon putting in the street food kiosk, for example.

@mxnews: .@MXeat, Tell me that Asheville takes its food seriously. Like its beer.
@MXeat: Yeah, we have some talent in both fields, for sure. I’m a champion eater AND beer drinker. Just doing my part. You seem to be doing your part on @posana’s vodka supply. Which reminds me: Asheville is getting a distillery!

@mxnews: .@MXeat, My liver has applied for an economic stimulus grant. I haven’t heard anything back yet. Tell me more about the distillery. Will it have free gin tastings?
@MXeat: @mxnews, The Hemlock will be the first craft distillery in Asheville. They’ll make gin AND whiskey. Heck yeah! But the state’s kinda funny about liquor tastings for some reason.

@Brewgasm: Asheville beer is serious business, y’all.
@mxnews: We’re pleased to welcome @brewgasm to the studio. She’s here to talk about beer and to have multiple brewgasms
@Brewgasm: And here’s intrepid journalist @michaelfmuller, a couple Saturdays back: http://twitpic.com/243aed

@mxnews: .@MXeat, Tell me about the distillery. Will it be here in Asheville? And what the hell is involved? Is it like cooking meth?
@MXeat: @mxnews, You can read more about it here: http://bit.ly/9UFe3Q. Enough about the distillery, you lush.

@Brewgasm: 1st brewgasm: @PisgahBrewing Endless Summer—light golden ale, which @mackensy just told me to chug.
@mxnews: .@MXeat, You’re one to talk,Toots. Have another drinkie-winkie.

@mxnews: Alrighty then. We’re going to take a short break while we relocate to @PacksTavern. After the break, @brewgasm will join us to talk beer & we’ll give away some tix to tonite’s show at The Peel: http://bit.ly/cVtXIU. Be sure to follow @mxeat and @brewgasm to get the full alcohol-enhanced orgasmic effect. After the break, @brewgasm will join us to talk beer http://bit.ly/cVtXIU
@mxnews: We’d like to thank @Posana Cafe, our hosts for this morning’s scintillating discussion, tall drinks and excellent food. And we’ll be back after the break. While we’re gone, please enjoy the following video: http://youtu.be/wCF3ywukQYA

@Brewgasm: Just ordered a flight of local brews @packstavern. Will talk bout em soon. With hyperbole and salaciousness.
@mxnews: In any event, viewer discretion is advised. WARNING: The views expressed in the following program do not necessarily reflect those of the management. Although, they might. Welcome back the fourth hour of LOCAL MATTERS, MX’s weekend roundup of the news and personaloties of Western North Carolina.

@Brewgasm: OK. Pisgah’s newish German-style Doppelbock is rocking my world. Technical difficulties occurring for @mackensy. Damn you, @packstavern wireless.

@mxnews: I’m here with @Brewgasm and @mackensy to continue or discussion about local food and libations
@Brewgasm: So who are you rooting for in the Uruguay vs. Germany game today? The Urugruay team have rocking bodies. Actually, I’d do any professional soccer player.
@mackensy: @mxnews, Dude…wha? Are we on?
@mxnews: So, welcome to the show @Brewgasm. Can we call you just “Brew” for short? Tappa tappa squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@Brewgasm: How about Gasm Girl for short? And @michaelfmuller is drinking a @craggiebrewing Antebellum Ale. How is it?
@mxnews: Excellent! And @mackensy has sobered up and is ready to chat.
@MXeat: …And we’re back! Is it beer-thirty @mxnews @brewgasm?
@mxnews: Looks like we’ve still got some technical issues
@mxnews: .@Brewgasm is here anyway. I just heard a shocking statistic: 1 in 8 people do not have access to clean beer. Care to comment?
@Brewgasm: About to pull a Meg Ryan right here, y’all.
@mxnews: .@Brewgasm, It sure turned some heads here in the bar. There’s all of a sudden a crowd of teenage boys here at our table
@Brewgasm: @mackensy didn’t get the Meg Ryan reference initially. I had to scream with delight and shudder a bit. @mxnews, Don’t talk to me about teenage boys. #lechery
@MXeat: .@brewgasm just scared the old ladies behind us with her Meg Ryan-styled brewgasm. The @MXnews-crew is classy.
@Brewgasm: @MXeat, Those old ladies were thrilled. Best thing to happen to them in months.

@mxnews: So ladies, do you have a favorite beer in town? And have you ever hung around the Citi-Stop to buy beer for underage boys?
@MXeat: @mxnews, I like the Goldenrod Pilsner from French Broad. For numerous reasons. Mostly because it’s called Goldenrod. Hawt. I make the underage boys purchase beer for me. Because it adds to the excitement.
@mxnews: If I had known there were actually women around like you two when I was 14, things might have turned out a little differently
@Brewgasm: @mxnews, But think of all the men who would’ve missed out.

@mxnews: .@Brewgasm, Well, that’s true. But we’re not here to talk about me. You must have 1 or 2 favorite boys. I men beers. I MEAN beers. Not men boys. Mean beers. I mean beers.
@Brewgasm: @mxnews, Another fave is French Broad Brewing’s Wee Heav-ier Scotch Ale. And @HighlandBrews Gaelic Ale is a classic. I luv @pisgahbrewing Red Devil—new batch out in a couple weeks. Ale infused w raspberries and cherries. Yum.

@MXeat: So @brewgasm, Tell us a little about the infuser process for flavoring beer.
@mxnews: Yeah, tell us. Whatever the hell that means.
@Brewgasm: @MXeat, AVL brewing has an infusor. Ask them about the bacon fiasco some time. But seriously, you run the beer through this thingee that has like fruit or herbs in it. Not the herbs you’d like, but…
@mxnews: .@Brewgasm, There’s an idea. Weed infused beer. Of course, IPA’s taste like bongwater to me. Not that I’ve ever tasted it.

@Brewgasm: @mxnews, Mean boys suck. There’s no such thing as a mean beer. A skunky beer, mayhaps.
@mxnews: .@Brewgasm, I’ve known a few skunky boys in my day. Tell us, how do you maintain your hot body considering how much beer you drink? 
@Brewgasm: @mxnews Lots and lots of strenuous “activities.”

@MXeat: May I interrupt this conversation to ask why @packstavern plays the worst music ever created?
@mxnews: Like totally the worst music ev-arrrr. So, I have these two hot women here with me and I’ve sort of forgotten what we are talking about
@Brewgasm: Beer, dude. You didn’t answer my question about the Antebellum Ale? How is it?
@mxnews: Oh right. Beer. So @Brewgasm, you must have an all-around favorite brewery in town. @Brewgasm, Have you ever had a lesbian affair?
@Brewgasm: @mxnews, And that’s relevant to beer because…?

@mxnews: So @mackensy just pulled Mary Katherine Gallagher and smelled her fingers.
@MXeat: I told you! The nachos made my hands smell like feet!

@mxnews: .@Brewgasm, Most lesbians I’ve found like beer, but it’s usually PBR.
@Brewgasm: @mxnews, I drank one PBR recently and I then fell and bruised my ass. That’s dangerous shit.
@mxnews: Here I am, trying to have an intelligent conversation about beer and you two women keep talking about sex. It’s very distracting

@fobes: Xpress “news” show in its fourth hour, now holding forth at Pack’s Tavern. Follow it via #avlshow hashtag.

@Brewgasm: @mxnews, Nope, now we’re talking about bruised asses.
@mxnews: Oh lord, it’s gettin’ shloppy
@mxnews: @mxnews What do you expect? We’re both healthy women in our twenties drinking copious amounts of beer.
@Brewgasm: Despite the fact I haven’t been in my twenties in 20 years.

@mxnews: Being the professional pseudo-quasi-neo-journalist I pretend to be, let me steer the conversation back to beer #hic
@Brewgasm: And stuffing my face with nachos. Now drinking a Green Man Brewing Porter. Excellente. #hopshustler

@mxnews: So ladies, you must have a favorite brewery in town.
@MXeat: I like the Wedge overall…atmosphere, beer, employees, entertainment and now a burrito guy on Saturdays.
@mxnews: .@MXeat, and on Saturdays, they have that guy with the scrimps. I love the Wedge. All their offerings are top-notch.

@Brewgasm: Actually, I am the Amazing Untattooed Woman. There aren’t many of us in Asheville.
@mxnews: .@Brewgasm, Well, @mxeat has tattoos all over her body. Most of them we can’t even see.

@fobes: Hello! Question from the floor: What are Asheville’s own hoppiest beers?
@Brewgasm: Hoppiest beers? ABC Shiva, @HighlandBrews St. Therese’s Pale Ale, Wedge Brewing IPA.
@fobes: And shouldn’t French Broad Brewery’s Freight Hopper be on the hoppy beer list too?
@Brewgasm: Do you mean the Rye Hopper? Let me finish.
@fobes: @Brewgasm Yeah, Rye Hopper (but it should be Freight Hopper). Go ahead and finish what? your beer? Have we missed any holy hoppies?

@fobes: Hello! Question: If my biz gives u money, will you mention it in a news tweet?
@Brewgasm: @fobes, Never. We’re professionals.
@mxnews: .@fobes, An unqualified yes. We decide what is news based on who feeds us or gives us drinks. That’s the policy as I understand it.

@fobes: Hello! Question: What makes Asheville so different from other towns?
@MXeat: What makes us different? We don’t know. Some of our readers say we think the sun rises and sets on Ashevile. It does, right?
@fobes: I think Avl is different b/c of its grassroots, bottom-up philosophy, which Muller has confused w/ finishing his beer.

@mxnews: Well, @mxeat has tattoos all over her body. Most of them we can’t even see.
@fobes: And what about “mxnews” aka MFMuller? What kinda tattoos does he have?

@fobes: Tell me, is there a move in among microbrewers to balance their porters, allowing them to be more hoppy & less “porter-y”?
@Brewgasm: NO. Leave the porters out of it, please. They are some of the best brews in Asheville.
@mxnews: @fobes, I’ll be asking the questions, Grandma Smartypants
@MXeat: @michaelfmuller is officially incoherent over here.

@fobes: .@mxnews, I can’t help questioning everything. It’s in my nature. Now, how about your tattoos?
@Brewgasm: @mxnews is showing me his tats now. Report soon.
@mxnews: .@fobes, I have tattoos on places I can’t mention, given the family nature of this program
@Brewgasm: OH. MY. GOD.

@fobes: When is it time for a word from our sponsor? We’re all capitalists, right? da-dun-dun.. Powdermilk biscuits?
@Brewgasm: Oh, forgot to mention Wedge Brewing’s Hemp Beer when we were talking herb.
@mxnews: I’ve heard Asheville has good grass. Perhaps that should be he subject of the next edition of LOCAL MATTERS

@mxnews: It looks like our time is up, ladies and gentlemen. It’s been fun and informative (not really informative)
@Brewgasm: @mxnews, Thank you. You’re both adorable. And sexy. And drunk.
@mxnews: I’d like to thank the lovely @Brewgasm and the lovely @mackensy for participating in today’s episode of LOCAL MATTERS. Please join us next Saturday starting at 8: 30 am for the next edition of LOCAL MATTERS.
@MXeat: @mxnews, @brewgasm, the pleasure was all mine.
@fobes: On that note, roving troubadors handed back control of @mxnews to a quieter, gentler set, & left town, singing da-dun, #avlshow is dun-dun.