“It was so bizarre that I started to laugh — but then I realized that there was something very unfunny about the situation.”
Author: Jerry Sternberg
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The Gospel According to Jerry: The long arm of the law
“As most of you may know, the sheriff is the most powerful official in Buncombe County, answering to no one but the voters.”
The Gospel According to Jerry: The shot heard round Buncombe County
“Most of our sheriffs were very personable guys, but some suffered from addiction to the same sins they were supposed to be keeping under control.”
The Gospel According to Jerry: High times at the Sky Club
“Perhaps the most exciting event ever to take place at the Sky Club was when Robert Mitchum came to town to star in Thunder Road. The whole town was star-struck, and one scene in the movie was shot in the restaurant. A couple of my friends took the entire week off from work just to be extras in the nightclub scene.”
Vanished Asheville nightclubs
“The most exciting beverage sold there was Flem’s Cherry Bounce, made from pure corn whiskey and some combination of cherries. Oh, it went down so smooth, but the bounce came when you tried to walk down the steps on the way out.”
Back in the day, Asheville’s nightclubs were hopping
“But the best thing about most of these clubs was their food, probably subsidized by the under-the-counter liquor sales and occasional other nefarious activities, such as backroom gambling.”
Booze and bucks in Buncombe
“Local enforcement of federal and state liquor laws has long come with a big swig of hypocrisy.”
The Gospel According to Jerry: Moonshine memories
“Moonshine” was produced by the light of the moon, to prevent law enforcement from detecting the smoke from the fire required to distill the resulting alcohol. All that was needed to distribute joy and pleasure (or pain and suffering, depending on one’s viewpoint) to consumers was a delivery system.
The Gospel According to Jerry: Sin city
If Rip Van Winkle had gone to sleep in the pristine little village of Asheville back in the 1930s and woke up today, he’d have to a shot of white lightning just to settle his nerves after confronting the shocking moral decadence that now abounds in our fair city.
The gospel according to Jerry: Confessions of a recovering racist
I received an email article from a couple of my right-wing friends who are constantly trying to validate their extreme positions especially on racial issues and hatred of President Obama.
The gospel according to Jerry: Rebutting RiverLink
A recent Mountain Xpress article (“Realizing the Full Value of Our Rivers and Greenspaces,” Sept. 26) by my good friend Karen Cragnolin, the brilliant visionary and advocate who can proudly take credit for the unbelievable renaissance in the River District and who is a newly minted grandmother of the most beautiful grandchild in the world, […]
The Gospel According to Jerry: Tit for tat
This year’s Go Topless rally, the bare-busted parade that annually turns Pritchard Park into Hooterville, has sent shock waves through our town that have reverberated all the way to Raleigh. Many people are beating their chests in outrage over this display of titillating torsos.
The Gospel According to Jerry
n the wake of Martin Nesbitt’s recent passing, there will be many columns and articles about our great and honorable friend’s extraordinary contributions. His loss will leave a huge void in the lives of so many friends and constituents.
The Gospel According to Jerry
Where the hell are all these “bad” teachers that our governor and Republican legislators want to purge from our city and county schools? Are we talking about those idealistic souls who finally got their first teaching job in Asheville, Buncombe or elsewhere in N.C. at the munificent starting pay of $30,800?
The Gospel According to Jerry
Jeremy Goldstein, the chair of Asheville’s Planning and Zoning Commission, recently had the stones to say what no one else has publicly admitted: The NIMBY emperor is standing out in the backyard, nekkid.
The Gospel According to Jerry
Ladies and gentlemen!!!! From the producers of “Murdock Madness,” “Kimberly KonKrete Kar Krushers” and “Macon Mayhem” now comes their final (we hope) chapter: “Charlotte Street Constipation,” featuring “multimodal” (which sounds like a laxative but, when combined with reducing Charlotte Street to three lanes, is actually the perfect recipe for gridlock).
The Gospel According to Jerry
Editor's note: This is the ninth and final installment of Jerry Sternberg's "Life in Seely's Castle" saga. The earlier pieces are available on the Xpress website or at www.gospeljerry.com (which also contains additional photos of the castle and its furnishings). It didn’t take long for my partner and me to figure out that if we […]
The Gospel According to Jerry
Editor's note: This is the eighth installment of Jerry Sternberg's "Life in Seely's Castle" saga. The earlier pieces are available at mountainx.com or gospeljerry.com (which also contains additional photos of the castle and its furnishings). Life in the castle ranged from the usual round of raising a family to the periodically bizarre feeling of living […]
The Gospel According to Jerry: Remembering Miss Beulah
The high priestess of Seely’s Castle was one of the most remarkable women I’ve ever known. She came to us as a domestic when we were living in a small house in Lake View Park.
The Gospel According to Jerry
Editor’s note: This is the sixth “Life in Seely’s Castle” tale. All are available, with photos, at mountainx.com or gospeljerry.com. A lot of people let their hair down in my castle, but Rapunzel never did. No, the answer to the third-most-frequently-asked question about my former residence lay deep in the bowels of the ominous, imposing […]
The gospel according to Jerry
Editor’s note: This is the fifth installment of Jerry Sternberg’s continuing “Life in Seely’s Castle” saga. The earlier pieces are available on the Xpress website or at www.gospeljerry.com (which also contains additional photos of the castle and its furnishings). Fred Seely, a teetotaler, would have turned over in his grave if he’d known that I […]