Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Apr. 26-May 3: Of Gods and Dylan Dog in the 5th Quarter Prom

In theaters

This is one of the stranger weeks to come along. There are quite a few movies opening—none of the seem to qualify as entirely wide releases. The only art movie opening is Of Gods and Men at The Carolina. And there’s a small fact-based, faith-based uplifting sports drama, The 5th Quarter, that appears to be opening only at the Beaucatcher. Neither of these being limited to one screen is surprising. But what of Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, Fast Five, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, and Prom? Wide? Well, not exactly—except for Fast Five. While I have yet to see the listings for the Epic or the Biltmore Grande, right now Prom is only listed at The Carolina, Hoodwinked Too! only at the Beaucatcher, the longest shot of all Dylan Dog is at The Carolina and the Carmike. What does this mean? Mostly that no one expects much out of Prom or Hoodwinked.

The only of these that I’ve seen is Of Gods and Men, the review for which is in this week’s paper, and without getting into it, I’ll be mightily surprised if any of the other things opening are anywhere near being in the same league. But let’s do the usual prognosticating anyway.

First there’s The 5th Quarter, which pretty much came out of nowhere (and that’s why it’s not in the paper’s “Upcomers,” since I didn’t even know it existed till last night). What is it? Well, as I said, it’s seemingly a fact-based, faith-based uplifting sports movie—amusingly being distributed by the folks who brought us Atlas Shrugged. It’s the first directorial feature for writer-producer Rick Bieber (Crazy) and it stars Andie MacDowell and Aidan Quinn. The fact that it stars Andie MacDowell is problematic for me, since I like her personally and have enjoyed talking to her about movies, but the sub-genres attached to this are like garlic to a vampire for me, even if Orland Sentinel critic Roger Moore says, “It scores points for being that rare ‘faith based film’ to show a little edge.” (It should be noted that Roger and I don’t always agree.)

There’s every reason to expect Dylan Dog: Dead of Night to be dead on arrival—if only because it’s being handled by Freestyle Releasing, who usually handle the most egregious low-rent junk. The last thing of theirs that played locally was the execrable I Want Your Money, which (literally) almost no one went to see—a wise decision. Dylan Dog was originally slated for a limited release, then inexplicably was expanded. What is it? Well, the press notes say it’s “a new horror/comedy film based on one of the world’s most popular comics (60 million copies worldwide). Brandon Routh stars as Dylan Dog, world famous private investigator specializing in affairs of the undead. His PI business card reads ‘No Pulse? No Problem.’ Armed with an edgy wit and carrying an arsenal of silver and wood-tipped bullets, Dylan must track down a dangerous artifact before a war ensues between his werewolf, vampire and zombie clients living undercover in the monster-infested backstreets of New Orleans.” OK, that’s intriguing, as is the fact that the Italian comics in question are written by Tiziano Sclavi, whose novel Dellamorte Dellamore was the source for Cemetery Man. And the trailer really doesn’t look bad, so …

Fast Five is, of course, yet another in the seemingly endless Fast and Furious movies. In other words Vin Diesel and Paul Walker (and their stunt drivers) do a lot of fancy driving in souped-up cars while “shit blows up real cool” interspersed with wooden dialogue that’s less expressive than the stars’ faces. Somehow—though it probably doesn’t matter how—this seems to take place before The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006). Dwayne “No Longer the Rock” Johnson comes on board as an adversary and much has been made by the PR folks about a smackdown ‘twixt him and Mr. Diesel. I have no memory of it, but I appear to have reviewed the last one. I’m probably getting this one, too—if only because I really, really, really don’t want the next one up.

Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil is the long unawaited sequel to the 2006 Hoodwinked!—a snarky revisionist take on “Red Riding Hood” that I found massively unfunny, flat and unoriginal. It also looked like it had been made by moderately creative film students on a laptop in their dorm room. But it made money, so a sequel was inevitable, even if they couldn’t get Anne Hathaway to come back to voice Red. They can’t sucker me into watching it either. I have to say I have never heard a single person express a desire for a sequel, but there was somebody out there somewhere who paid to see the first one. I guess.

That brings us to Prom, which the folks at Disney tout with, “At Prom, every couple has a story and no two are exactly alike. Several intersecting stories unfold at one high school as the big dance approaches; Prom portrays the precarious passage from high school to independence as some relationships unravel and others ignite.” “Several intersecting stories unfold” must mean this is like a Robert Altman movie for teens. They also say its has “an emerging ensemble cast,” which is code for “people you never heard of.” Where’s Carrie when you need her?

Otherwise, this week finds Certified Copy departing The Carolina, but Jane Eyre is holding nicely both there and at the Fine Arts. Win Win is also staying at the Fine Arts. The Conspirator and Super also have at least another week at The Carolina. Some may also want to note that Asheville Pizza and Brewing has brought in Alan Parker’s The Wall (1982) for their 10 p.m. slot.

Special Screenings

Roman Polanski’s The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967) is this week’s Thursday Horror Picture Show on Thursday, April 28, at 8 p.m. in the Cinema Lounge of The Carolina. World Cinema has Chris Marker’s Sans Soleil (1983) on Friday, April 29, at 8 p.m. in the Railroad Library in the Phil Mechanic Building. Victor Erice’s The Spirit of the Beehive (1973) is this week’s Hendersonville Film Society choice at 2 p.m. on Sunday, May 1, in the Smoky Mountain Theater at Lake Pointe Landing in Hendersonville. The Asheville Film Society is screening Mervyn LeRoy’s Five Star Final (1931) at 8 p.m on. Tuesday, May 3, in the Cinema Lounge at The Carolina. More about all these in this week’s Xpress.

Also, for those who are Asheville Film Society members—or who’d like to become ones—there’s a special advance members only free screening of Of Gods and Men at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, April 27, at The Carolina. The film opens on Friday, but AFS members get to see it earlier. And since at $10 memberships are only 25 cents more than a regular evening admission, it’s not a bad deal—and it’s even a better one when you consider that being an AFS member gets you a dollar off admission to any movie at The Carolina. So with your first regular ticket purchase, you’ll be 75 cents ahead.

On DVD

Well, Marc McCloud from Orbit DVD told me that nothing was coming out this week. Damned if he wasn’t right!

Notable TV screenings

It’s one of those rather flat weeks—good movies, but nothing unusual. As a result, yes, you’re on your own.

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About Ken Hanke
Head film critic for Mountain Xpress from December 2000 until his death in June 2016. Author of books "Ken Russell's Films," "Charlie Chan at the Movies," "A Critical Guide to Horror Film Series," "Tim Burton: An Unauthorized Biography of the Filmmaker."

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30 thoughts on “Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Apr. 26-May 3: Of Gods and Dylan Dog in the 5th Quarter Prom

  1. Few things of note of course!

    One of the creators of THE MIGHTY BOOSH has come out with the really creative BUNNY AND THE BULL. HUMAN PLANET is a BBC series about humans surviving in harsh environments, including cities. CHAWZ is a fun Korean take on JAWS with a killer pig. There are also tons of documentaries including LUCKY, SELLING GOD, THE STONEWALL UPRISING and FORGIVENESS.

  2. Ken Hanke

    RUN FOR ZEE HILLS!!!!!!

    I will not deny — the coming weekend looks pretty darn grim.

  3. Ken Hanke

    CHAWZ is a fun Korean take on JAWS with a killer pig.

    I can’t imagine why that didn’t play theatrically here!

  4. Dionysis

    “The fact that it stars Andie MacDowell is problematic for me…but the sub-genres attached to this are like garlic to a vampire for me”

    Me too. It seems to me that when an actor starts showing up in these types of films, they’re scraping bottom. Of course, this is not her first venture into a religiously-toned film. I recall ‘The Rapture’, an odd film of several years ago.

  5. Dionysis

    Hmmm, I think I got Andie MacDowell and Mimi Rogers confused as starring in ‘The Rapture’. Sorry.

    I still view religiously based films very unfavorably.

  6. Ken Hanke

    Hmmm, I think I got Andie MacDowell and Mimi Rogers confused as starring in ‘The Rapture’.

    This is so.

    I still view religiously based films very unfavorably.

    I basically agree with you, if by that you mean the modern, low-rent, preaching to the choir but think they’re converting the heathen stuff. It’s the sort of dreck that used to never make it past 16mm projected on church basement walls. I wouldn’t include movies with strong religious components — e.g., Strange Cargo or any number of other Frank Borzage pictures, Going My Way, etc. For that matter, I’d call The Exorcist, Exorcist II: The Heretic, and Exorcist III intensely religious, but they’re not in this realm. I would put The Rapture in it, though, which most people do not seem to think of in terms of the current faith-based stuff.

  7. Dionysis

    “if by that you mean the modern, low-rent, preaching to the choir but think they’re converting the heathen stuff.”

    Yep, that is exactly what I mean.

  8. Hmmm, I think I got Andie MacDowell and Mimi Rogers confused as starring in ‘The Rapture’. Sorry.

    How? Mimi is one of the top-heaviest actresses in Hollywood.

  9. Ken Hanke

    Now how did I get moderated?

    Beats me. I’ve seen that happen a few times lately — though not to you. You may notice I’ve freed your post.

  10. Dionysis

    “How? Mimi is one of the top-heaviest actresses in Hollywood.”

    True; two fairly attractive, middle-aged brunettes…it happens. But at least I caught the error and admitted it.

  11. Ken Hanke

    Plus, Andie MacDowell had the good sense never to marry Tom Cruise.

  12. Me

    Even Buñuel’s religious films if you can call them that? Im a big fan of The Milky Way.

  13. Ken Hanke

    Even Buñuel’s religious films if you can call them that? Im a big fan of The Milky Way.

    I thought I made it clear that these faith-based films where they’re trying to sell me on their beliefs are not the same thing as films with a religious theme.

    And I quite like The Milky Way.

  14. luluthebeast

    Yumping Yimminy, FAST FIVE pulled in over 33 million last night!

    I’ll probably go see DYLAN DOG, though. The sidekick plays a good werewolf on BEING HUMAN. It will be interesting to see if their screeching is any better than Reese’s.

  15. Ken Hanke

    I’ll probably go see DYLAN DOG, though.

    I’d advise against it, but if you don’t go you’ll never know…

  16. luluthebeast

    Sometimes I just like to watch a dumb monster movie, and that’s exactly what it was.

  17. Ken Hanke

    I was thinking especially of the last one, but I can say no more without saying too much.

  18. DrSerizawa

    This week’s lineup looks worse than the “Water for Elephants” that I just saw. It sucks being stuck in LA with no car. There are only two theaters in walking distance and it was either that or “Hanna” again.

    Not that WFE was entirely terrible. Just unconvincing and the epilogue is laid on waaaay too thick.

  19. Ken Hanke

    Ken have you seen Lourdes? Im really wanting to see it, but it hasnt came out on DVD yet and its been two years since its release. Its about a wheelchair bound womens journey to the religious pilgrimage site Lourdes.

    Till you mentioned it, I never even heard of it. There’s a subtitled trailer:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwa9QjsF4Lo&feature=related

    The fact that it’s from Artificial Eye suggested that it’s out in the UK on DVD and it is.

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lourdes-DVD-Sylvie-Testud/dp/B003GALGC2/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1304519160&sr=1-1

    Of course, you need a region free player.

    By the way, if I don’t answer something it means I didn’t see the question. You can always poke at me via e-mail.

  20. Me

    I didnt know about the other releases you mentioned i was just looking at it through Netflix and didnt see anything. Thanks for the info but i think i will wait it out.

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