Hot Dog King cuts deal with feds in video poker case, pleads guilty
Parts of Demetre “Jimmy the Greek” Theodossis’ plea bargain:
• Must remain 500 yards away from former Buncombe County Sheriff Bobby Medford, aka Count Corndog, at all times.
• May continue to pretend to run a restaurant, but no multimillion- dollar illegal gambling racket this time, buster.
• Elections will be held in 90 days to democratically select the region’s hot dog representative.
• When at a dinner party, he cannot answer question “So what do you do?” by saying, “Let’s just say I’m the Hot Dog King,” while staring lasciviously across the table at a married woman until she blushes.
• May continue running hot dog restaurants across the region to satisfy WNC residents’ desperate need to drive to a restaurant, sit down and have a warmed-up Ingles hot dog for dinner.
• Must forfeit all lucky underwear and severed animals feet from HDK’s “Lost-and-Found.”
• If an unmarked car pulls over the Hot Dog King on a dark and deserted road, and in his rear-view mirror the Hot Dog King sees a crotchety old man get out of the car holding a blowtorch and a shovel, the Hot Dog King may drive to a well-lit area where he may then safely take a poop in his pants that comes out sideways from anxiety.
• Must have all operating permits in order before carrying through with the planned expansion of his new 40,000- square-foot franchise, Bingo King’s Hot-Dice Dogs and Bunko-Burger Hut.
• He must forfeit $2.5 million or eat 100 hot dogs in ten minutes, whichever is more awesome.
• Forbidden to associate with any criminal or unsavory law-enforcement agencies.
• To guarantee that he turns his life around, he must change his nickname from “Jimmy the Greek” to “Doug the Swede.”
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