For the last time, everybody wants their damn milk in the bag
Otto DeBruhl, the Buncombe County Register of Deeds, has carved a long political career out of fear, respect and brute force.
Even though — or, perhaps, because — he has held this office since 1951, nobody filed for candidacy for Register of Deeds in this year’s upcoming local elections, playing right into Otto’s powerful, emasculating hands.
Here are a few surprising facts about this mysterious and shadowy deed registrar:
• According to his records, 76% of Buncombe County belongs to the Debruhls.
• Otto’s powerful influence stretches as far as the Permits & Inspections department and Solid Waste services.
• Holds the record for most Schweinsbraten eaten in one sitting in WNC.
• Once dropped acid and wrote his first name in lipstick on a mirror and just tripped out over it for like an eternity.
• For the life of him, he can’t remember where he filed anything that starts with “G.”
• When a waitress gets his order wrong, he growls, “I know where you live.”
• If you mention Karl Marx in his presence, he hits the roof.
• All day every day, Otto nervously watches the door in fear that Cynthia K. Llewellyn will walk in the door talking about selling her property because in a pinch back in ’75 he used her deed to roll a doobie with the tax-office boys and they smoked that thing down to her southsoutheastern property line.
• Refers to Asheville as the “occupied Paris of the South.”
• While on phone, he likes to absentmindedly doodle on the Biltmore Estate plat.
• Known to register his dirty deeds in a little black ledger he keeps under his bed.
• If you’ve got the bratwurst, he’s got your easement.