Student who fell through cracks two years ago discovered by janitor over summer break
‘It’s a miracle!’ his parents would probably say, but nobody knows who they are or how to get in touch with them
ASHEVILLE HIGH, MONDAY — Rising sophomore Brian or Brad Something or the Other was discovered inside the cracks yesterday, a full two years after he first was reported getting lost in the shuffle.
Authorities believe the boy accidentally shown blocking out the subject of the above 2005 photograph may or may not be the once-missing student. An age advanced photo of what the student may look like in 10 years, at right.
“We can only pray no athletes or cool kids are down there,” said one school administrator, who claimed to not have even known the cracks in the building existed. “I’ll be damned. I thought we expelled that guy for tardiness a long time ago.”
Several teachers recalled the student in their classrooms, and remember that everyone called him “Big Brad” or “Bri-guy,” although that never happened and they were, in fact, thinking of someone else.
Nobody noticed that Stan — “Or maybe,” fretted one teacher, “his name was Steve, I just don’t know” — was missing, but privately, many in the school
system admitted that they never got to know the student some think might have been nicknamed Scooter or Scott.
“The important thing is that we have located the crack in the school’s floor that has claimed the lives of countless students in the vocational arts wing,” said an administrator, who asked to remain anonymous so that no odd kids would
learn her name. “We’re going to ask the county for some spackle and have the
summer-school students patch up that dangerous crack to keep them busy until the real students return in the fall.”
According to a guidance counselor, that one weird girl always near the trash can continued searching the area for what’s-his-name long after most had conceded that he had fallen off the planet. “Now we can’t locate that one weird girl,” said the counselor, who was unable to give a description of the missing whoever.