Weekly Asheville Disclaimer Page: 06/18/08

News Briefs:

APD bike cops lose chase to scofflaw paper boys

Sun located after new digital billboards briefly turned off

Dear Arnold,
I’m breastfeeding my three-monthold and I’ve been noticing that my
right nipple has been very itchy. I’m worried it might be thrush. What should I do?
— Charlene

Dear Gertrude,
Of course your nipple itches — you’ve got a rug rat gnawing on it all day.

So many things you can stick in that kid’s mouth … why your nipple? My mother, for instance, used an old boot.

I don’t know what the hell thrush is, but if you’ve got a case of the itchy nipple, this is what you do: Spray each nipple with WD-40 (nature’s healer). Wrap each nipple in tin foil and lay in the sun for two to three hours. That’ll bake the itch right out of it. I’ve gotten rid of a few cases of clap that way.

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