Weekly Asheville Disclaimer Page: 10/10/07

Meet Your Neighbor

Name: Phillip Hart

Occupation: Owner, Rank Group

Home: New Zealand

Favorite thing about WNC: Never been to WNC

Hobbies: Purchasing failing paper plants in WNC, keeping smog off endangered-species list, cricket.

What Are You Listening To?

Name: Jenni Dimpling

Lives: South Ridge dormitory, UNCA

Occupation: “Don’t understand question”

What’s in your CD player right now? “Daddy’s Girl,” The WASPs

When you’re feeling down, you listen to … “The Shipping Address is Not the Billing Address,” by the Hard Chargers

Favorite record of 2007: Bye-Bye Beer Money — Overdraft

What would you recommend to others? “Call Yo’ Daddy,” by the How You Beens

Most listened-to record in the past month? Still your Angel Baby, by Here’s the Rub

Most recent legally downloaded song: “Transfer Mo’ Money to My Account” — The Rents

Black Mountain Bargains!

Captivating views, small-town charm, down-home friendliness — it’s basically everything that any other WNC town has.
Expensive? Not for Black Mountain!

Charming Bungalow — On .25 acre marsh overlooking scenic trailer park. $750K firm.

Apartment for Rent — One BR, half-bath, soon to have electricity. $2,000/month plus double utilities.

Depot-style Hovel — Let the soothing sound of a train at 3 a.m. lull you to sleep. $1.5 million.

Fixer-Upper — Original frame partially salvageable. Convenient to Cracktown. $875K.

Three Quarters of a Teaspoon of Dirt — But it’s Black Mountain dirt. $80K.

Ridge-top Mansion — On its own 35,000- acre mountain. 239 bedrooms, unknown number of bathrooms. Fountain. Helipad. Platinum-plated 27-car garage. Trophy wife. Constant, howling winds, great for kite-flying. $If you have to ask, don’t.

News Briefs:

Radio deejays brainstorming names for month between Rocktember and Rockcember

Walking girl falls for honking motorist

Carolina Stompers challenge grammatical status quo

Rocket Club announces date for Chinese Democracy CD-release party

Put a ring on my finger yesterday
18 SWF, 115 lbs., running out of time and patience. Ready to finally start a family. Sick of playing games, been there and done that. Tired of wasting time. Looking for someone exactly like my dad, just not my dad. I enjoy LTRs and wedding bells. Possible interests include planning weddings and nesting. 366897

You complete me
F, 36, in late stages of terminal relationship and I don’t want to be alone for one second when the plug gets pulled. Purely platonic friends only, please. You can take me out for coffee and listen to me talk about the problems I’m having with my boyfriend, and you’ll do it out of genuine, nonthreatening interest and you won’t be trying to sleep with me (my bf is very jealous so I need to reassure him). Then, after I have a real big fight with him, I’ll come over to your place because I’m upset and don’t know where else to go and you can comfort me and then I’ll sleep with you. Then I’ll go back to my bf the next day, and after a few weird weeks, he’ll dump me and I’ll be your girlfriend! Likes: constant company, nonstop validation, having coffee with new guy friends and e-mailing my ex-boyfriend in secret. Let’s hang out! 877633

Personal chauffeur for m’lady?
WM, 19, love partying with my boys, house-sitting your home while you’re at work and driving your car. Looking for the kind of girl who will be patient with me, encourage me to find work, and buy be a bicycle so I can get around on my own. Interests include giving your friends massages while you’re at work and pawning bicycles. Hook it up! 224434

Straight guy ISO gay friend


Super aggressive, 200% straight bouncer/weight-lifter ISO effete gay guy to poke fun of, wrestle around with (in a TOTALLY HETERO way), and answer all my questions about gay lifestyle. You’ll be my little gay mascot. Even through I’m disgusted by your gayness, I’m also fascinated by it. Due to your cartoonish fey demeanor, I may feel unthreatened by your attraction to men to the degree that we could work out in my home gym and then take a shower together and I could real aggressively horse around with you and then we could dry off, remove our towels, pop each other with towels and then I could physically dominate you and pin you to the floor to further illustrate how totally gay you are, dude. 399400

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