Letter: Why you should talk to your children and teens about porn

Graphic by Lori Deaton

I appreciate John Van Arnam’s work supporting families and communities in discussing the risks of children watching porn [“Awkward Conversation: How to Talk to Your Kids About Online Pornography,” Jan. 11, Xpress]. As a health educator, this is also one of my passions because, while we were trying to keep our families safe during the pandemic, our kids’ screen time, often unsupervised, nearly doubled and at times may have included pornography.

According to a survey of teens, 84.4% of males and 57% of females have viewed pornography, and 10% of views are by children under 10. In addition, there was a startling increase (147,188 reports) of 11- to 13-year-old girls taking nude photos or videos of themselves and posting them online, often after being groomed by an online sexual predator (Internet Watch Foundation, 2021). Furthermore, 1-in-5 girls and 1-in-10 boys (ages 13-17) agreed that they had shared nudes of themselves.

Online pornography is free; there are no age restrictions, and I know it is hard to acknowledge, but if your child has a device and is 8 or older, they may have seen porn. Sex is taboo; porn is even more so, and it can be uncomfortable to discuss. However, our kids need us to explain that porn is not a safe space to learn about sex.

As Van Arnam stated, nearly all free porn does not show sex or intimacy; it depicts sexual violence. Over 85% of scenes in explicit online content show acts of aggression and sexual violence, and the victim is usually a woman or girl who responds either neutrally or with expressions of pleasure (A.J. Bridges et. al., 2010). When kids see this, they learn that sexual violence and rape are normal sexual behavior. If we do not teach them otherwise, then sex is violence.

Current research shows a link between watching online pornography and increased verbal and physical violence against women (Lemma, 2020). Porn teaches that name-calling, choking and hitting are normal sexual activities. The natural progression of attraction, communication, holding hands and a first kiss erodes. A poll of 31% of surveyed teen girls ages 16-21 says they’ve taken part in sex acts without even a kiss first (Thorn, August 2020). Love, trust, healthy communication, healthy relationships, consent, birth control and emotional intimacy are not shown in porn.

What do we do? First, come to terms with what our kids are seeing. If your child has access to a screen, they are at risk of viewing porn. Second, set content restrictions on their device. If your child is 12 or older, they probably know how to get around restrictions, so read up on what the best available product is to prevent that. Third, if you have not initiated the conversations about sex, start today. Teach them the anatomical names of their private parts. Teach them how to say “no” and ask for help if someone asks to see, touch or receive a digital image of their body. Fourth, talk about the risks of watching porn and that porn is a business that focuses solely on profit.

Porn is not a safe source of sexual health information. Talking about porn for the first time can be uncomfortable. However, weigh that against your child thinking porn is an example of normal sexual behavior. Lastly, even if they act like they are not listening, students report that parents are their most trusted source of sexual health information. Remember, it is never too early or late to start talking about healthy relationships, healthy communication, anatomy, physiology and setting boundaries.

— Julia Pierce
Gerton

Editor’s note: Pierce reports holding a master’s degree in public health and a master’s of divinity.

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One thought on “Letter: Why you should talk to your children and teens about porn

  1. MG Massey

    Porn , predators, psychopaths,perverts and pedophiles.
    Online is full of it.
    An instant gratification nation dancing blindly in a human duck blind.
    Pavlovian dogs in Skinnerian boxes, slaves to Kinsey and Bernays.
    The human brain has migrated south permanently.

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