Attention Asheville Disclaimer (and the APD): Kava bar does not spike drinks with LSD

My wife Keely and I are co-owners and managers of the new nakamal, Vanuatu Kava Bar. Although we very much appreciate the advice your publication has printed in this past week's Disclaimer, to spike our tea with LSD, we regretfully decline. Given the expected results of kava consumption (relaxation, euphoria) we have instead taken to spiking it with heroin and/or barbiturates. Although I hear LSD goes well with kava, securing it would amount to a separate request from the barkeep and, of course, a slightly additional charge.

Disclaimer: We do not actually spike our kava with anything. Seriously. We carry the most potent varieties of organic, fair-trade kavas in the world, and believe the effects speak for themselves.

If individuals still want/need LSD (or heroin), they must, given the legal status [of the drugs], regretfully, seek other sources, as we are trying hard to maintain the veneer of being legitimate business people.

But thanks so much for the tip! (And the laugh.)

— Andrew Procyk
Vanuatu Kava Bar
Asheville

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