Disclaiming the “Disclaimer”

I was minding my own business, having dinner with my illegal-alien friends at a local safe house, when I came across the article about my kidney stone in the “Asheville Disclaimer” [Xpress, May 9]. According to the writer, I passed it at the Dennis Kucinich (Dennis the Menace, as we used to call him back when he was mayor of Cleveland) speech at UNCA. I was OK with the parody etc., until I came across the part about “past [his] bladder … the last two inches to freedom.”

At that point, obviously, I choked. There is no truth to that statement. In fact, it diminishes me. I contacted my attorney, Bob Long, who said we could sue your pants off if I was willing to drop mine in court to display my evidence.

Sadly, I shall not sue.

— Bill Fishburne
Asheville

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