I rely on you for all my City Council and county commissioner news, and on that front, you have never let me down. But your choice of lead story in the last issue greatly disappointed me. Of all the news and material that’s floating about at this particular moment in time, you chose to cover the emergence of the local beard crisis? Come on, Asheville Disclaimer! You can do better than that!
You can’t walk down Patton Avenue or Broadway without tripping over a good story to skewer. What—has Carl Mumpower paid you off? Has the Chamber of Commerce threatened you with legal action? Has the art scene totally bored you to death?
Beards? It seems like you really reached for this one. I read your page faithfully every week, even though you warn me not to. I hope to see the quality of your journalism improve dramatically in the future. Forget about men’s facial hair and focus on the real issues. Otherwise, your readership and relevance will surely decline. ‘Nuf said.
— Mark Bloom’s beard
The Disclaimer responds: Instead of callously publishing your cutting and hurtful critiques of the best that society can offer, perhaps you should focus first on your own shortcomings, especially in regards to your treatment of a noted fan of the Asheville Disclaimer, one Mark Bloom, just another honest man cast naked and helpless into this treacherous world by the very beard that conceived him; raised in a cage of child-like trust that stunts awareness as poor Mark drools into his adult years, crawling around like a disoriented baby on a swath of shag-rug philosophy, remaining perpetually ignorant of his beard’s after-hours letter-writing activities as well its editorial reliance on tired pro-beard propaganda.
Brazen and dastardly Beard, you are the real issue!