Face value

Thank you for the most humorous cover in the history of your fine periodical [Dec. 5 Xpress]. I don’t know what screamed “I’m not a total homophobe” the most—the cobra tattoo, the wife beater or the gold chains. When I told my girlfriend that this was the head of the Carolina Stompers, she thought I was joking. Surely no one would allow himself to be portrayed in front of an American flag so menacingly. I hope this is the face of someone who opposes liberalism, for then our victory is assured.

I really enjoyed Mr. [Chad] Nesbitt’s claims of Christian values. Last time I checked, “Thou shalt not kill” was one—if not the first—of [the Ten] Commandments, and unlike so many of Barry Bond’s records, there’s no asterisk. Not: “Thou shalt not kill, except terrorists or people who disagree or even want to kill you.”

Secondly, I appreciated Mr. Nesbitt’s revelation that he [became] conservative after attending the lavish Democratic fundraisers as a child. I’m sure [that’s] in stark contrast to the annual G.O.P. turkey shoot at the Motel Six. Good luck raising money with such a poverty-stricken base, poor, poor Republicans. My brother-in-law once told me, “Everyone’s a Democrat, until they get rich.”

— Joe Dawson

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