I am writing this letter to announce my appreciation of the McCain/Palin ticket and their support of my career choice. I am an ultrasound technologist at a local hospital, and I have vast experience with pregnant women such as Sarah and Bristol Palin. Thanks to Bush’s “abstinence in schools” initiative, my business is booming! Like Hillary, I too get the 3 a.m. call: In my case, it is to perform a STAT ultrasound on an expectant young mother-to-be who came in through the ER, to get pictures of her unborn baby.
If I am lucky, Palin and McCain will help pay my bills by getting the chance to veto any bill aimed at educating teens and tweens about where babies come from. To echo Paris [Hilton], I just want to say “Thanks, old white-haired dude” for supporting my livelihood. I couldn’t do it without you. John and Sarah, let’s keep abstinence in schools and keep those babies coming!
— Autumn Ward