The pregnant results of abstinence

I am writing this letter to announce my appreciation of the McCain/Palin ticket and their support of my career choice. I am an ultrasound technologist at a local hospital, and I have vast experience with pregnant women such as Sarah and Bristol Palin. Thanks to Bush’s “abstinence in schools” initiative, my business is booming! Like Hillary, I too get the 3 a.m. call: In my case, it is to perform a STAT ultrasound on an expectant young mother-to-be who came in through the ER, to get pictures of her unborn baby.

If I am lucky, Palin and McCain will help pay my bills by getting the chance to veto any bill aimed at educating teens and tweens about where babies come from. To echo Paris [Hilton], I just want to say “Thanks, old white-haired dude” for supporting my livelihood. I couldn’t do it without you. John and Sarah, let’s keep abstinence in schools and keep those babies coming!

—  Autumn Ward

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6 thoughts on “The pregnant results of abstinence

  1. jenn mccormack

    I love this (tongue-in-cheek) letter to the editor! As someone who is intimately involved in the birth community as well as a woman and mother in our community (locally and obviously globally), thank you!

  2. evolved

    It’s amazing how irony works! I also love that she is pro-life/pro-war. What an oxymoron!!!

  3. Standtall

    Show me one person above the age of ten who doesn’t know that sex between a man and woman can lead to pregnancy and I’ll show you a wild polar bear in Georgia. Abstinence in practice equals zero pregnancy.

  4. cwaster

    Excellent use of verbal irony. I’m grinning away right now. Well done!

  5. entopticon

    Thanks for that letter Autumn. It should also be noted that an extremely important facet of sex education is knowledge about the spread of dangerous diseases, which girls are especially vulnerable to.

    Denying young people of sex education in the age of AIDS, cervical cancer, and overpopulation isn’t just ignorant, it’s inhumane.

    Unfortunately, sex education isn’t the only issue that Sarah Palin is frighteningly misguided about. Every woman and concerned man should read Congresswoman Jan Schakowski’s article, which details McCain and Palin’s abysmal record on women’s issues:

  6. BusGreg

    Sure Stand Tall, only thing…. Abstinence does NOT work, because young people like to ball. All the pious drivel wont stop kids from having sex! NYU did a study a while back, asking girls who took the abstinence pledge….
    they are:
    > 4 x as likely to engage in anal sex
    > 6 x as likely to engage in oral sex
    > have more teen pregnancies than girls who got real sex-ed
    > have more cases of VD than girls who got real sex-ed
    So sure IF kids stay abstinent it works fine. BUT kids don’t stay abstinent, so give them the tools to avoid pregnancy, rather than getting knocked up like Bristol Palin, who willo now marry the guy who got her pregnant and who, according to his mySpace page doesn’t even want kids!

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