Woe is me! Ever since that very scary article about those very scary Carolina Stompers came out [“Fighting Mad, Dec. 5], I haven’t slept a wink. My nightmare starts out innocently enough: Walking down Lexington Avenue, a “Had Enough, Vote Democrat” cap covering my greasy locks, but off in the distance—a strange glowing light. I hear a donkey braying for its life. And out of nowhere, they attack!
Don Yelton deftly applies the full nelson, nearly snapping my neck off. Then, out of the curtain of smoke and mirrors, with boxing gloves flying, biceps bulging and that very, very scary cobra tattoo—the balding Chad Nesbit taunts me with the ol’ one-two. Pow! I am pummeled! Beaten! Whooped! The liberal pulp begins oozing from all of my orifices. And as I begin to wonder and worry about one of those orifices in particular, I awake a great big pool of left-wing sweat.
Very, very scary!
— Joseph G. Allawos