Why you should vote for Shad Marsh

Back when I was poor and lived in Asheville, I'd go to Shad Marsh's house for a few beers now and then. You know what would end up happening half the time? Hell, if he wouldn't end up making dinner for me and his lovely wife, Kristen, he'd let me stay over so as not to endanger Ashevilleans, and then he'd let me borrow a book or two, a movie and a computer game like Sid Meier's Pirates, which I only gave back to him the day before I left Asheville and poverty for good.

You know what? Speaking of computers, Shad even made a computer for me once. And a fine computer it was, too. Sometimes he'd let me hold his baby, Charles Thelonius. And listen: You never held a nicer baby.

We would occasionally sit out on his porch and discuss politics, poetry, beer, goings-on at UNCA, the different places we'd come from, things we were reading and writing, people we didn't like, people we did like, people we liked not liking, people we didn't like not liking, and cats.

Now, if that's not a person you want for mayor of Asheville, what the hell's wrong with you? I know what you're thinking. But just because Terry Bellamy is mayor now doesn't mean she's the right woman for the job. I think Shad Marsh is the right woman for the job! He makes computers, poems, beer, dinner and babies.

What does Terry Bellamy make but trouble? Does anybody know? And that's why I think you should vote for Shad Marsh for mayor.

— Devin Walsh
Mineola, N.Y.

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8 thoughts on “Why you should vote for Shad Marsh

  1. travelah

    Shad Marsh won’t resign from office like that woman from Alaska, either. In fact, I’ve heard it said he plans to move his stuff right into his office and live like an elected woman should come hell, high water or even defeat.

  2. Piffy!

    Ahh, the coveted Yankee endorsement from Mr. Walsh. Mr. Marsh is a shoe-in now!

  3. I will be needing to see Ms. Marsh’s original birth certificate, the paper one signed by the attending obstetrician and with the raised state seal. Just what sex was assigned to this Ms. Shad Marsh at birth? I don’t think the voters should be subject to any surprises once s/he’s in office.

  4. Piffy!

    I have proof this “Shad” was born in a river in Newfoundland!

    Why wont the Liberal Media report on this!

  5. Chall

    I recently ate a hot dog with Mr. Marsh, and I’ll say this: the hot dog was not bad.

  6. “I have proof this “Shad” was born in a river in Newfoundland!”

    This just proves what I read on the interwebs. His great step aunt’s next door neighbor’s cousin in Argentina says the little baby Shadella was born missing its niblets. Cold water can do that.

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