Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Sept. 7-13: Art heavy week, confusion heavy schedule

Apparently just about everyone in the movie-booking world spent Labor Day roasting weenies—or whatever it is that people who have Labor Day off do—and the result of this is that I’m sitting here trying to put together a “Weekly Reeler” with limited information. I know what’s going on at the Fine Arts and I know what art titles are slated for The Carolina and I know the mainstream titles. I know the Fine Arts is opening The Guard and The Carolina is set to open The Devil’s Double and Terri. The “big” releases are Contagion, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star and Warrior. But there are gaps.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Aug. 31-Sept. 6: Debt of Apollo 18 on the Magic Trip to Another Shark

Before going any further, it should be understood that Labor Day weekend is considered to be a movie dumping ground—one of those weekends where movies that studios view with grave misgivings and gloomy foreboding get sent out into the world. The idea is that very few people will notice them and that everyone will be spared as much embarassment as possible. The exception this year is the release of The Debt, which is aimed at an older, less picnic-happy audience—and, of course, art and indie fare like Magic Trip: Ken Kesey’s Search for a Kool Place (opening at The Carolina) and Another Earth (opening at the Fine Arts) don’t count. Things like Apollo 18 and Shark Night 3D, on the other hand, fit the profile perfectly. And then there’s self-releasing Seven Days in Utopia, which fits the four-waller profile more than anything else.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Aug. 24-30: Dont be afraid of a tabloid idiot brother

Another week and another array of choices for our viewing pleasure—or so the ever-hopeful studios would like to believe. Last week absolutely everything got its nose rubbed in the dirt. This week? Well, only time will tell, but the buffet this week includes three mainstream titles—Colmbiana, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, Our Idiot Brother—two art titles—A Better Life (Carolina), Tabloid (Fine Arts)—and something called The Caller (Carolina), which has the distinct aroma of “four-waller” about it.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Aug 17-23: Barbarians­, vampires, spy kids, talking cats, romance!

All manner of things come our way this week—some of them are even movies, and one of them is in smell-o-vision. That seems fair. Lots of movies smell, this one’s honest about it. So what’s on tap? Well, from the mainstream side of the ledger, there’s Conan the Barbarian, Fright Night, One Day and Spy Kids: All the Time in the World. The art/indie side finds The Future opening at the Fine Arts and If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front at The Carolina.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Aug. 10-16: Help, Snowflower­s, Destinatio­ns, Mountains, Glee and more

Lots of titles this week—six of them, in fact. We have four mainstream ones—The Help, 30 Minutes or Less, Final Destination 5 and Glee: The 3D Concert Movie—and two art/indie films—The Last Mountain (Fine Arts) and Snowflower and the Secret Fan (The Carolina). I’ve no earthly idea why The Help opens on Wednesday, but it’s perhaps just as well with this much. Then again, except for movie critics, I don’t see a whole lot of crossover appeal here.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Aug. 3-8: Change-up to a Trip with Nim and Other Apes

The Smurfs to one side, last week didn’t turn out so badly. So what of this week? Well, let’s see. In the land of the mainstream we have The Change-up and Rise of the Planet of the Apes (both everywhere but the Carmike). And on the art film side of the ledger there’s Project Nim and The Trip (both at The Carolina). Apart from the unintentional connection between two movies involving chimpanzees, it’s at least diverse.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler July 20-26: Captain America and the Submarine with Benefits

Only three movies come our way this week—two in the mainstream realm and one art title. One the mainstream side we get Captain America: The First Avenger and Friends with Benefits. Neither of these carry anything like the level of Harry Potter excitement—and I am skeptical (oh, yes, skeptical) that either will dethrone Mr. Potter as the top-of-the-pops movie. Submarine (which takes place in Wales and not on a submarine)—opening this Friday at The Carolina—certainly has no such aims, but that doesn’t keep it from being one of the best movies I’ve seen this year.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler July 13-19: Harry Potter and the Queen to Play Beginners

It’s Harry Potter week. What more do you want? Well, the folks at Disney seem to think you want some kind of quasi-reboot of Winnie the Pooh, which I guess works for younger children and those who think Harry Potter movies are only a step removed from attending a Satanic mass. Plus, the art film is alive and well with Queen to Play at The Carolina and Beginners at the Fine Arts. Put mildly, I’ve seen less enticing weeks—like last week and the week before.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler July 6-12: Horse Whisperers­, Trolls, Horrible Bosses and a Zookeeper

Last week was a curious mix. There were two movies that turned out to be somewhat better than expected, and one that proved to be every bit as awful as one might have suspected. This week—well, we’ll see. In the mainsteam, we have two mid-range movies—Horrible Bosses and Zookeeper—since no one sees much point in shoehorning a big picture in between Transformers last week and the final Harry Potter movie next week. On the art/indie front, The Carolina opens the surprisingly strong and popular documentary Buck and the giant monster flick TrollHunter.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler June 29-July 5: Transformi­ng Larry Crowne in Monte Carlo

This is one of those weeks where even writing about what’s in store for us at the movies is like trying to shove myself through a garden hose. The mere thought of Larry Crowne, Monte Carlo, and Transformers: Dark of the Moose…er Moon makes me want to take a nap. The prospect of actually sitting through them, however, makes me want to hide behind the sofa till the whole thing blows over. There aren’t even any art/indie titles to lighten the grim prospect.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler May 11-17: Everything Must Go—even bridesmaid­s and the priest

After the surprise box-office juggernaut of Fast Five week before last and the unsurprising box-office success of Thor, it comes as no great shock that the studios aren’t bringing out the big guns this week—especially when you consider that whatever opens this weekend is almost certain to get trounced next weekend when Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides comes out. So what do we get? Well, from the mainstream we have Bridesmaids and Priest (both opening everywhere except the Beaucatcher). On the art/indie side things look a little more interesting with Everything Must Go (opening at The Carolina and the Fine Arts).

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler March 16-22: Last week’s promise made good, plus aliens and lawyers

Last week turned out to be pretty grim indeed. At least this week I know there’s one bright spot, since Cedar Rapids—originally supposed to open last Friday—comes to The Carolina and the Fine Arts this Friday. Also up are the mainstream titles Limitless, The Lincoln Lawyer and Paul. These at least are potentially better than the last week’s rather unfortunate crop.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler March 2-8: An animated Johnny Depp arrives on the scene—and others

It’s a pretty crowded schedule at the movies this week. We have four mainstream titles—The Adjustment Bureau, Beastly, Rango, Take Me Home Tonight—and two art titles—Casino Jack (at The Carolina) and Rabbit Hole (at the Fine Arts). In other words, we’re not hurting for quantity. Quality may be an entirely different matter. In some cases, I’d risk money on it.