This Italian horror flick (shot in Utah) marks the film debut of most of its cast. That it also marks the swan song for nearly all of said newcomers is hardly surprising. Even granting that the cast and crew spoke little, if any, English, the acting in Troll 2 (1990) is quite possibly the worst you can ever hope to see. It is also perfectly in keeping with the movie’s inane screenplay. There are movies that are bad. There are movies that are so-bad-they’re-good. And then there’s Troll 2—a movie that’s so bad that it defies comprehension.
The plot centers on the world’s dumbest (and most annoying) family vacationing in some hellhole called Nilbog (spell it backwards) where the militantly vegan populace are really goblins who are bent on turning the humans into vegetation so they can eat them. (Now, I’m not up on my goblinology, but I thought trolls lived under bridges and ate goats.) This all has to do with making the victims eat or drink some concoction that will cause them to ooze chlorophyll (which looks very much like pouring crème de menthe on their heads in actual practice) and ultimately transform them into flora. It’s up to an annoying kid and his dead grandfather (who shows up oftener than Dead Grandpa in a year’s worth of Family Circus comics) to stop them. I suggest heavy drinking (not crème de menthe) for making it through this.
To mangle John Donne:
Perchance he for whom this flick trolls may be so ill as that he knows not it trolls for him …
In other words, why would one even want to watch a troll movie unless, down deep, part of his soul lurks under a dark bridge and eats billy goats as they cross?
Look, instead, to the classics, such as Mexican wrestling movies.
the movie may be horrible, but it does contain one of the greatest scenes in modern movie history:
“THEY’RE EATING HER!!!!! AND THEN THEY’RE GOING TO EAT ME!!!!!! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!
Well, it rolls trippingly from the tongue.
Mr Hanke, on the subject of trolls, you should definitely check out this new Norwegian movie called The Troll Hunter. If you haven’t already. It’s pretty damn awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLEo7H9tqSM