Don’t ask for seconds

In a country where girls are now pushed to excel in math, sports and other pursuits once considered largely off limits to women, is it still OK to be a girly girl?

Ask the folks at the Smith-McDowell House Museum in Asheville, and the answer would likely be a resounding yes.

In fact, it’s hard to imagine a more ladylike diversion than the upcoming pair of Victorian tea parties the museum has planned for Saturday. Aimed at girls ages 7 to 12, party participants—wearing their Sunday best and toting their favorite dolls—will be offered tea and treats, instructed in proper Victorian etiquette and tutored in such civilized activities as parlor games and valentine-making. It’s the first in a series of historically themed tea parties to be held throughout the year.

“I think it’s an opportunity for girls to experience a time period in history,” offers Museum Education Coordinator Lisa Whitfield. “They’re going to participate in foods appropriate for that time period, and crafts and music and games of that time period.”

Luckily for the girls attending the Victorian tea party, they’ll be immersed in an upper-crust setting. In the early part of the Victorian age, many children were forced to work 16-hour days in appalling conditions, notes an article on the Victorian Web (victorianweb.org). But guests at the Smith-McDowell House Museum needn’t worry that they’ll be pressed into service scrubbing floors or polishing silver.

Upon entering the museum, girls (accompanied by their mothers) will fashion nametags for themselves that will double as the charming calling cards of that bygone age. The mothers, also wearing appropriately formal attire, will serve their daughters tea and party refreshments on willowware. (In a nod to practicality, the girls will eat with stainless steel, rather than silver.)

While sipping tea and (presumably) daintily munching their treats, the girls will get a crash course in Victorian etiquette. That includes placing their gloves (which can be borrowed from the museum) on their laps and not talking across the table or asking for seconds. Proper Victorian guests also let their hostess steer the conversation.

“They would avoid politics and anything else that was controversial,” notes Whitfield. “The hostess would direct the table talk.”

Although most kids would roll their eyes at the very thought of spending their Saturday on etiquette lessons, she believes these girls will be receptive to learning about the conventions of the time.

“Most of these girls have read the books, the American Girl books or books of that time period,” Whitfield reports. “And they just want to get into it and experience what the character experienced.”

In fact, there are two American Girl dolls from the tail end of the Victorian era: Samantha, an orphan who lives with her wealthy grandmother, and Nellie, a servant who works in the house next door. (Owning one of the dolls, however, requires a cash flow that’s more in line with Samantha’s grandmother: Each doll, which comes with its own paperback book, runs $87 on the American Girl Web site.)

Post-tea party, the girls will craft homemade valentines using Victorian vignettes and paper doilies. Songs and parlor games follow, including a variation on the modern telephone game in which a message is whispered from person to person.

Queen Victoria (who reigned from 1837 to 1901) most certainly would have approved.

Although the tea parties are aimed at girls, Whitfield graciously insists that boys are welcome. “I wouldn’t turn down any boys who showed up for the tea party,” she declares.

At the same time, Whitfield is working on a future program centered on the Civil War era that she thinks might hold more appeal for boys.

“Get them out in the grass and the boys will be happy,” Whitfield suggests. “Maybe that is putting them in little pockets of gender, but historically, that was true.”

So far, the Victorian tea parties are proving to be a hit. At press time, the 11 a.m. party had sold out, and reservations were still being accepted for the 3 p.m. seating. The same holds true for the March 3 tea party, a Native American program featuring author Janet Shaw, an Asheville resident who writes the Kaya stories for the American Girl series. The other tea parties in the museum’s series focus on the pioneers (June 23), the Civil War (July 21), World War II (Aug. 25), the Depression (Sept. 22) and the Colonial era (Oct. 27).

Despite the tea parties’ budding popularity, Whitfield doesn’t envision Victorian etiquette sweeping the city.

“I don’t foresee children following these kind of manners when they go to McDonald’s,” she says.

[Tracy Rose is an Asheville-based freelance writer and editor.]