Astro Boy

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The Story: A robotic boy attempts to save his futuristic city from the machinations of its war-thirsty president. The Lowdown: A run-of-the-mill animated adventure that’s gussied up with a sardonic sense of humor and political satire.

Law Abiding Citizen

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The Story: A seemingly ordinary man takes revenge on the justice system that let the murderer of his wife and daughter walk free. The Lowdown: Pointlessly gory and patently absurd, the movie might have worked as pulp, except that it’s too full of itself to even work as mindless entertainment.

Cranky Hanke’s Screening Room: Intergalac­tic imbeciles and other shoddy plans

With Ken gallivanting around sunny Florida this week, the duty of producing a Screening Room has fallen into my well-manicured hands. For those of you looking for the usual Hanke wit and wisdom, do not be disappointed, because I give you something better, the most important, insightful bit of film criticism you will read in the next five to seven minutes, an article on how movie aliens are stupid.

Surrogates

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The Story: In a futuristic world where people live vicariously through robotic counterparts, murders begin to take place, and it’s up to a hard-nosed detective to solve the case. The Lowdown: A cobbled-together mix of sci-fi’s greatest hits wrapped inside a murder mystery that never quite adds up, creating one mediocre film.

Love Happens

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The Story: A self-help guru falls into a relationship with a florist while still dealing with the baggage of his wife's sudden death three years earlier. The Lowdown: A slickly-made adult romance marred by gooey sentimentality and an inability to find the right pitch.

The Final Destination

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The Story: A group of people are saved from a deadly accident by the premonition of a young man, only to find Death coming to finish off those who escaped. The Lowdown: Cheesy, schlocky, gory horror that manages to be fun by reveling in the fact that it is cheesy, schlocky, gory horror.

Shorts

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The Story: A group of kids come upon a magical, rainbow-colored rock that grants any wish. Mayhem ensues. The Lowdown: A charmingly goofy kids movie that occasionally shows sparks of Robert Rodriguez’s directorial panache, but too often suffers from the constraints of the film’s lo-fi, backyard approach.

Ponyo

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The Story: A magical goldfish escapes to dry land after deciding she wants to be human, thus knocking the balance of nature out of whack. The Lowdown: A wholly sweet and fanciful -- not to mention endearing -- animated film that’s none too deep, but never becomes too precious or too schmaltzy.

Bandslam

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The Story: An awkward teen moves to New Jersey and gets persuaded into managing a ragtag group of musicians attempting to win an all-important battle of the bands. The Lowdown: An occasionally intelligent, sporadically entertaining teen comedy with surprisingly good taste in music that unfortunately devolves into a mess of clichés and teenage melodrama.

Aliens in the Attic

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The Story: A group of vacationing kids must prevent an alien invasion at their lake house. The Lowdown: An occasionally clever -- if unoriginal -- fantasy that will appeal more to youngsters than adults, but is consistently harmless for all ages, and wholly forgettable.

G-Force

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The Story: A covert government task force made up of guinea pigs must go rogue in order to stop an arms dealer from taking over the world. The Lowdown: A likable cast and some dandy use of 3-D makes for a harmlessly entertaining kiddie flick.