Your search for a 56-year-old divorced BBW is over
SWF seeks long-term dinner & partner. Love dinners on the beach, candle-lit dinners and holding hands and taking long dinners. 447323
Long-haired artist type
SWM, 41, in shape, enjoy wine, bicycling, good conversation and social events. Luxurious long brown hair flows down past shoulders (completely bald on top and front though). 159211
Must love puppies and flowers
SWM, 36, ISO SWF, preferably brunette but looks aren’t as important as personality (FYI, I have loads of both). Looking for the diamond in the rough. I love meeting parents, listening to long stories and planning out the future. No kids yet, but I’ll let you decide. Also looking for another SWF on the side, preferably blond, looks very important. Be the diamond or the rough, whatever. 433299
Looking for 2 hung playas
Open-minded middle seeks a top and a bottom. Hopeless romantic. 259926
As the lonely steep slope said to the humble home builder in the famous Hindi parable, “Namaste!”
Below are four statements clearly labeled as myths, and you decide if the myth represents the truth or a myth.
Myth #1: If my neighbor builds on the slope above my house, I will be plagued with runoff water and erosion.
False! If your neighbor’s home is looming above your own, consider yourself lucky that you have such a well-to-do and upstanding neighbor. Better than having to stand on the wraparound deck of your new slope-side second home and looking downhill at some puny home with a river of mud flowing past it, that’s for sure!
Myth #2: If somebody buys the land next to mine and cuts down all the trees, they are ruining my view in an attempt to improve their own.
Again, false! What do you want to see when you look out your window — old, dirty poor-people trees or brand-new, shiny, high-end faux-log construction? Your new out-of-state neighbor, with the help of a friendly local developer, is actually improving your view, don’t you see? Of course you can see, we’ve cleared the way for your eyesight to really stretch its legs!
Myth #3: Clear-cutting mountain sides to make way for residential developments is an environmentally unsound practice.
That is a myth! Through a carbon credit program, we pay for three trees to be planted in Africa for every one tree we remove in Asheville. So, when you see acres of unspoiled wilderness seemingly “disappearing” all around you, what you are actually looking at is an African forest magically growing right out of the barren, treeless, African jungle landscape. Karibu!
Myth #4: I should burn down homes built on slopes to express how much I hate homes built on slopes.
This one is a curveball, but it too is false. This type of dangerous and illegal act could easily cause an unintended human tragedy, such as driving up the price of insurance for new construction.
Dale Cozo is a retired freelance writer who lives in Asheville with his wife Candy and their two dogs.