How exactly does one rate Menahem Golan’s The Apple (1980)? It defies categorization. It’s certainly not good. But it is mesmerizing in its amazing awfulness. It may, in fact, be the ultimate cinematic two-headed cow—except unlike a two-headed cow, The Apple truly is the strangest sight your eyes have ever beheld. If you took Brian De Palma’s Phantom of the Paradise (1974), Ken Russell’s Lisztomania (1975) and Milos Forman’s Hair (1979) and boiled them down, carefully distilling everything that made them good, then threw that distillation away, you might get something very like The Apple from the dregs. Loads of bad songs, bad dance numbers, bad costumes and bad camp conspire to create something like the Village People on acid.
Believe it or not, the film is Golan’s version of the Book of Revelation. It’s all about the power struggle between Mr. Boogalow (Vladek Sheybal) and Mr. Topps (Joss Ackland), who are really no less than Satan and God. The story appears to be set during the “tribulations” (you’ll be relieved to learn they happened in 1994, so we’re past it) with hapless folk forced to wear Boogalow’s “BIM” mark as the world sinks into glossy depravity. But Boogalow has apparently gone too far in his semi-successful seduction of the world’s blandest couple (Catherine Mary Stewart and George Gilmour, the latter obviously cast for the way he fills out indelicately tight jeans). Among other creative notions, it’s 1960s hippies who will stand up to the Antichrist and Topps (“They call me Mister Topps”) and rapturize the patchouli-annointed faithful. Who knew? The story line doesn’t so much progress as it leaps to a conclusion, but at least it gets there. In a word, “Wow.”
Well, I never got around to watching this movie, but with descriptors like “mesmerizing in its amazing awfulness,” “strangest sight your eyes have ever beheld” and “glossy depravity,” how could I resist? Plus, I always that Catherine Mary Stewart was pretty hot back then.
Last weekend, I had a mini ‘Hammer Films’ fest including Twins of Evil, Jack the Ripper and Vampire Circus. It looks like this weekend may be a filmfest of a different sort. Any suggestions of equally weird films to add to the playlist?
Obviously, I meant to type “I always thought that Catherine Mary Stewart was pretty hot…” Also, as far as my request for suggestions, Phantom of the Paradise would not be one I would include, in case that title comes to mind. Otherwise…
I wouldn’t suggest PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE, since I think it’s, you know, actually good — ditto HAIR and LISZTOMANIA (try to find the latter other than in an awful VHS transfer, unless you’ve got the laserdisc). Not that I could actually recommend them, but this is more XANADU and CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC territory.
Dionysis – If your film fest theme is “Gut-Wrenchingly Awful Musicals From the Eighties”, you might try pairing this one with the 1982 classic “The Pirate Movie”. Before seeing “The Apple”, I thought “Pirate Movie” merited the title of Worst Musical Evah. Now I know better.
Or Dionysis, get out of the house and come check out THE APPLE at Asheville Brewing Company this Wednesday. Viewing PG-rated orgies are much more entertaining with a group of people.
“Gut-Wrenchingly Awful Musicals From the Eighties”
Now, there’s a concept I confess I never thought of pursuing…if it involves watching The Pirate Movie, though, I may continue not pursuing it.
“Dionysis – If your film fest theme is “Gut-Wrenchingly Awful Musicals From the Eighties”, you might try pairing this one with the 1982 classic “The Pirate Movie”. Before seeing “The Apple”, I thought “Pirate Movie” merited the title of Worst Musical Evah. Now I know better.”
I saw ‘The Pirate Movie’ when it came out (don’t ask me why), and I think I’ve yet to fully recover. I guess ‘The Apple’ may just hurl me over the edge, but I gotta see it…so,
“Or Dionysis, get out of the house and come check out THE APPLE at Asheville Brewing Company this Wednesday…”
I’ll take Orbit up on the offer; I guess I’d rather lose it among an audience (there could be some mental health professionals among the group) than home with only my pets.
I’ll take Orbit up on the offer; I guess I’d rather lose it among an audience (there could be some mental health professionals among the group) than home with only my pets.
You must let us know how you fare!