1. It’s too hot to sleep. You…
a. Spend three hours and two bottles of hair spray trying to get your hair to have “wings.”
b. Call two friends and reenact scenes from Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
c. Write a poetry chapbook that you will self-publish on the small press that you founded during your last bout of insomnia.
d. Dress like a raccoon and go through your neighbor’s garbage.
2. Road Trip time! You can’t forget to:
a. Get your Flomax prescription refilled.
b. Book a mani-pedi and buy loads of sunscreen.
c. Pierce your nose.
d. Remind the other two people who live in your van that they’ll need another place to crash for a while.
3. The biggest downer so far this summer:
a. Your inability to recall the names of most of your friends at Downtown After 5.
b. Flash mobs becoming passé.
c. Realizing you can’t hug every cat.
d. The Silver Dollar Restaurant closing.
4. Your secret to staying in shape this summer:
a. Step aerobics.
b. Zumba.
c. Only eating cereal with no milk and salad with no dressing.
d. Sweating profusely 24/7.
5. Your ideal summer lover would:
a. Know that sailing, candles, gentle breezes and blousy white shirts are all incredibly romantic and be able to communicate this without words.
b. Would agree that Tom Cruise and Ricky Martin belong on everyone’s F—kit List.
c. Be in all of your fall classes and write amazing term papers.
d. Agree that flatulence is a sign of good digestive health.
6. In order to enjoy the remainder of the summer, you must have:
a. Allegra and air conditioning.
b. No less than five fabulous tank tops.
c. An unlimited supply of gin and tonics.
d. Unreasonably strong opinions about every polarizing topic in the news.
Quick and Easy Scoring:
Mostly “A”: Styx on Saturday, Sept. 3 at the Biltmore Estate South Terrace. 8 p.m. $49/$54/$74/$79. Who can forget “Lady,” “Come Sail Away” or the futuristic “Mr. Roboto”? This ‘80s power-ballad band will bring the hits, and a fireworks extravaganza follows.
Mostly “B”: Erasure on Sunday, Sept. 4 at the Orange Peel. 8 p.m. $30/$35. Vince Clark (founding member of Depeche Mode) and singer Andy Bell make up this English synth-pop duo. Hits include “A Little Respect” and “Chains of Love.”
Mostly “C”: Modern Skirts on Thursday, Sept. 1 at the Grey Eagle (Matrimony opens). 9 p.m. $6/$8. This alt-pop band from Athens, Ga., is equally adept at lush ballads and upbeat stay-in-your head tunes.
Mostly “D”: Dweezil Zappa Plays Zappa, Wednesday, Sept. 7 at the Orange Peel. at 8 p.m. $28/$30. Frank Zappa’s son, Dweezil, plays the songs of his late father, a founder of prog rock and overall visionary/boundary-pusher.
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