Affordable-housing advocates put out of work by declining home prices

Mayor Bellamy says she is glad to be leaving Mountain Housing Opportunities “before the bubble bursts.”

ASHEVILLE, WEDNESDAY — Amidst a nationwide house price decline that threatens to restore affordability to millions of would-be homeowners, the work for affordable-housing advocates has rapidly dried up.

“We have always suspected that the time would come when house prices would drop to less absurd levels,” said Amelia Johnson, whose own home will soon face foreclosure if she is unable to secure new employment after being laid off this month from the affordable- housing nonprofit where she worked. “Maybe I should look for a job with a more reliable nonprofit, maybe something in the cure-for-cancer field, somewhere I can stay with through retirement.”

Meanwhile, some local activists refuse to succumb to the prospect of continued low housing costs.

Jim Horatazio, president of the nonprofit group High Mountain Housing, has called for a moratorium on price drops by Ashevillearea home sellers.

“Solving the affordable housing crisis is simply not a financially sustainable solution for affordable-housing activists who depend upon their jobs to support their families.”

A call to heed

Does collective responsibility prohibit analysis of bio-ethical equality at the grassroots level?

BY DOUGLAS I. GLAZER

The distribution of economic benefits and prioritization of values deeply affects the efficiency that comes from delegating political responsibility to elected officials without abrogating citizens’ responsibility to limit their global-warming footprint while commuting our primary transportation corridors to and from Staples and Greenlife, which benefit from the state’s increasingly obsolete tax structure.

Most compassionate people would not stand for such cruel and thoughtless behavior implicit in the chasing of the almighty tourism dollar, since racism is inherent to zoning as demonstrated by the opposition of African-American communities to the conducting of a study of the economic impact of a moratorium on the community.

Thusly, active and effective union representation decreases need-based, chronic and professional differential water rates in the city and county.

In other words, in any embedded system, it’s possible to add input, change programming and alter data.

Obviously, these are not experimental prototypes but practical, currently available regional house-dwellers produced by the disintegration of the old manufacturing base, nonprofit arts groups (both relative to incomes and in absolute terms) and the 1933 Sullivan Act, thus offsetting wage increases and servicing legitimate energy sustainability.

In conclusion, these modern-day gentry further erode the floodplain, that quantum of the means of subsistence that, via voterverifiable offerings of the local human culture, collaborate with faith communities at the micro, regional and state levels, resulting in a bioregion with a $61 million economic impact and providing a boon to a host of interrelated issues: farmland preservation, candidate forums, and business- oriented Asheville’s reliance on labor contracts defining gender-neutrality as it relates to wastewater sustainability.

Christian bumper sticker in purgatory

ASHEVILLE, THURSDAY — Members of a loosely organized local Christian group, “We Still Pray,” are planning to disband in the coming weeks, citing their inability to pray hard enough.

According to an update on the group’s Web site, wwww.westillpray.com, the power of prayer has fallen short because “there are still way too many gay people walking the streets of Asheville.”

“We know we can do better, because kids nowadays are growing up to respect all races, creeds and sexual preferences,” said one proud displayer of the “We Still Pray” bumper sticker.

Meanwhile, “We Still Pray” is being investigated by Focus on the Family after reportedly not adhering to Thessalonians verse 5:17, which clearly states, “Pray without ceasing.”

It is alleged the group may have taken a break from its never-ending prayer for a few hours in July to try and sneak in a banjo hootenanny when they thought God wouldn’t notice.

Focus on the Family’s investigators believe that “up to 400 local teenage children became totally gay on that prayer-less afternoon.”

12-year-old Moggy,free to a good home. I have a song in my heart that gets crazy loud real late at night. Pick me!

I love facilitating the “Circle of Life” discussion between parents and children by murdering every sign of small wildlife within one square mile. Let’s be friends!

I never know what I’m craving but I’m always starving. I need expensive treatments for feline gonorrhea. I spend most of the day napping or hanging out in seedy bird baths with anonymous tomcats. Let’s be purr pals!

PUBLIC SERVICE

Getting ready for a new school year

With only one more week of the summer remaining, now is a good time for parents to start transitioning the family back to the everyday school routine.

Mothers, you’re going to want to cut down by 1/3 your intake of mood stabilizers and by 1/2 your nerve pills.

With the school year nearly upon us, you don’t want to maintain your summertime levels lest you spend your newfound child-free time slumped against the kitchen cabinets staring at the cat all day.

Accordingly, you can start drinking 1/3-to-1/2 more alcohol to build back up your tolerance so that the traditional celebratory “back to school” White Russian doesn’t floor you as soon as you see the school bus leave your neighborhood on the first school morning of the year.

Fathers, you, on the other hand, will need to cut back on your alcohol consumption since you won’t need a “drivehome- from-work bracer” to prepare yourself for your summertime wife who has been home all day with the kids.

Also, now is definitely the time to begin loudly complimenting anyone your child comes into contact with who is wearing very cheap clothing.