As one of the new residents, I want to do my part to keep more people from coming into town. I may not have been born here and, as such, have no right to an opinion, but I do have this: “Plan to Help Those Born in Asheville to Stem the Tide of Population Growth.”
1. No locals can advertise for 40 years in major newspapers around the United States, offering land and cabins at cheap prices.
2. No locals can sell off large tracts of land at ridiculously low prices to anonymous people in suits or with an LLC at the end of their name.
3. When Aunt Bea passes away, you and the other 12 heirs can’t go into I-need-my-cash-now mode, forcing the sale to a laid-back, semi-retired New Yorker. They have cell phones and will call other New Yorkers.
4. Stop making quality microbrew beers and ales and sending them to competitions in other cities. Wandering beer drinkers will come from all over to do more sampling.
5. No more renting your family houses as seasonal cabins, telling the New Englanders how charming it is. Eventually they are going to return; they go for that charming stuff.
6. When the people from Colorado come (and they will come), they want mountain biking and rafting and healthy stuff. Quit giving it to them. Stop serving organic foods; start featuring transfats and white bread.
7. Watch out for the Floridians. They are only looking for a place to hide from hurricanes. Put out warning signs for bears, landslides and wildfires—that should keep ‘em away.
8. Stop helping victims of natural disasters. Homeless people have nothing to go back to! There is a good chance they will stay, especially if you have existing trailers.
9. Stop winning national awards for park-system stuff, the Arboretum, or river clean-up activities. You are only asking for trouble with Sierra Club members from Seattle or Portland.
10. Finally, stop having kids. Every kid is just another warm body taking up precious space and resources in this already taxed mountain environment.
— Lance Lobo (local by choice, not birth)
Asheville
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