The Shallot (Like The Onion, but purple): Local real estate possibility affected as housing becomes relatively optional

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Editor’s note: This is 100% satire. None of what you read in this article is true. 

For the million gazillion newly arrived residents to Asheville vying for the two “affordable” apartments that open up for rent each month, the expected Supreme Court ruling concerning tent encampments elevates an increasingly attractive housing alternative: tenting on public property.

However, not everyone is pleased with the prospect of affordable city camping.  According to various (unreliable) social media outlets, unpaid advertisements for “camping space in my backyard” are on the uptick. This essential income stream for the working class is at risk if anyone can camp just anywhere.

“How is our driveway space — with access to the kitchen every other day, vegan preferred — supposed to compete, if camping next to Salvage Station is for free?” complained an anonymous West Asheville sub-sub-tenant. “How are the five of us living in an unheated two bedroom garage going to make our outlandish rent if our means for subletting the backyard is undercut?”

A rally is planned for Friday night after work to support the various camping factions. A counterrally to support the backyard-sub landlords was postponed due to lack of interest.


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