The Asheville Disclaimer is parody/satire.
Asheville, Monday — The 2.5-mile commute Scott Frand makes on bicycle between his home and his work will get significantly more difficult and unbearable as winter worsens, to the apparent delight of Frand.
“Last winter, I had to finally switch to my car when the snow got too bad and the temperatures had me worried about frostbite,” said Frand. “But this winter, nothing is going to keep me off my bike.”
Frand’s friends, family members and coworkers are equally impressed and perplexed by his dogged determination to ride his bicycle throughout the entire winter.
“Last year, when the weather was terrible and he arrived in his car, he practically apologized to everybody at work for not riding his bicycle that day, and we were like, ‘You’re still riding your freaking bicycle?’” said one of Frand’s coworkers. “For some reason, it’s a thing to him.”
Frand, who lives on a city bus line, made a solemn Thanksgiving Day Facebook post in which he swore he would not abandon his bicycle this winter, no matter how unpleasant the conditions became outside.
“I let myself and a lot of other people down last winter when I briefly, though shamefully, abandoned my bicycle and my beliefs in the face of what, in comparison to weather events throughout history, was a non-major snowstorm,” Frand posted online. “While climate change is very real, it cannot change my dedication to the bicycling lifestyle, or all is lost.”