Asheville police unveil ‘Know Your Prostitute’ program
ASHEVILLE, MONDAY — In an attempt to assuage the awkwardness of selecting the perfect street courtesan to fulfill the wanton desires of local johns, the Asheville Police Department has unveiled a new page on its website — “Meet Your Prostitute.”
Photos of those charged with prostitution — as well as a demographic study of their solicitors — will be posted on the site, and add high quality adult entertainment to the Asheville Channel Bulletin Board.
“Many citizens are unfamiliar with just how much variety our city features in its sex industry,” said Police Chief Bill Hogan. “All heights, colors, hair styles — go online and do a little research before you waste your entire night shopping for something that is not currently in stock.”
Proponents of the effort say the program will be the equivalent of online dating, but the parties can’t actually contact each other via the Internet. Act quickly, though, and if you see an online profile that interests you, you might be the lucky fella who bails her out of jail just hours after her arrest.
“In this depressed economic climate, anything we can do to boost business is good for the whole community,” said Hogan. “We’re providing them with advertising that money just can’t buy.”
Police finally cracking down on downtown short cuts
Asheville police announced that they will be calling the homes of drivers who are seen taking the shortest possible routes between West Asheville and downtown, and whoever picks up the phone will be asked if they know where their husband/father/roommate is. “We don’t want to see these areas become gentrified or otherwise bothered by the passing presence of law-abiding citizens,” said a department spokesman. “It’s a
please see Police State, p.101
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