Letter: Scouting new horizons after election

Graphic by Lori Deaton

I wish my election results as a local candidate were more consistent (in addition to better), because I would like to be able to figure out where my friends are. I remember that the first time I ran, I did best in Kenilworth, near the hospital; then later, as Wenoca turned actively hostile because contraception is in budget competition with their pet boondoggles, I actually won Newfound Road, then did best near Sweeten Creek, and this time in southwest Buncombe, followed by my own neighbors in Big Sandy.

But as I work on my ’68, noncatalyst school bus, so I can make my vote mobile like Hillary to Chappaqua to retire among allies, I still don’t know where to go, even locally, to say nothing of globally, especially since contraception funding has yet to reduce rental demand in places like Chappaqua or even Provincetown, Kenilworth or Firhall, Scotland, to say nothing of school bus restrictions.

So, the main personal purpose of my candidacy, to tell myself and the world where my friends are, doesn’t really seem to be panning out. I also wonder if the Air Force tracks precinct results so they will know whom to bomb, though the Munich exurbs were rather dispersed. At least I learned that Antelope, Ore.’s Osho was an overpopulation activist, no thanks to Netflix, and Grafton, N.H., still lacks Wenoca-style boondoggles and is getting warmer; but no anti-natalist homeland yet, even in China.

— Alan Ditmore

Editor’s note: Ditmore came in fourth in November’s election in a race for one of two seats on the Buncombe County Soil and Water Conservation District Board of Supervisors. Xpress coverage on the former candidate can be found at avl.mx/xmasjbl.


Thanks for reading through to the end…

We share your inclination to get the whole story. For the past 25 years, Xpress has been committed to in-depth, balanced reporting about the greater Asheville area. We want everyone to have access to our stories. That’s a big part of why we've never charged for the paper or put up a paywall.

We’re pretty sure that you know journalism faces big challenges these days. Advertising no longer pays the whole cost. Media outlets around the country are asking their readers to chip in. Xpress needs help, too. We hope you’ll consider signing up to be a member of Xpress. For as little as $5 a month — the cost of a craft beer or kombucha — you can help keep local journalism strong. It only takes a moment.

About Letters
We want to hear from you! Send your letters and commentary to letters@mountainx.com

Before you comment

The comments section is here to provide a platform for civil dialogue on the issues we face together as a local community. Xpress is committed to offering this platform for all voices, but when the tone of the discussion gets nasty or strays off topic, we believe many people choose not to participate. Xpress editors are determined to moderate comments to ensure a constructive interchange is maintained. All comments judged not to be in keeping with the spirit of civil discourse will be removed and repeat violators will be banned. See here for our terms of service. Thank you for being part of this effort to promote respectful discussion.

5 thoughts on “Letter: Scouting new horizons after election

  1. Curious

    Has Mountain Xpress ever considered writing a profile of Alan Ditmore, to help those new to the community understand who this person is? His (somewhat puzzling but always entertaining) letters frequently appear so he apparently has a readership/following. Is it possible he’s a fictional character made-up by one of your staffers, a latter-day Mr. Dooley?

Leave a Reply

To leave a reply you may Login with your Mountain Xpress account, connect socially or enter your name and e-mail. Your e-mail address will not be published. All fields are required.