Think before you adhere

There are lots of bumper stickers flying around Asheville these days — lots of big, righteous opinions. Inasmuch as it goes to freedom of speech and expression, I guess I have no problem with it, but can we show a little consistency, please?

I saw a bumper sticker on the back of a Volkswagen Beetle that said "Coexist" next to another that said "Biodiesel: No War Required.” The original Volkswagen (“people's car” in German, designed by Dr. Porsche — yes, that Porsche) was absolutely commissioned by Adolf Hitler to be built so that all citizens of his cleansed society could have affordable, reliable transportation. Not exactly a rolling memory of peaceful coexistence. I saw "Once a Marine, Always a Marine" on the back of a Kia. Not only is Kia a Korean automaker (we lost quite a few good Marines in Korea) but also K.I.A. means “killed in action,” almost always on foreign soil.

How about the "Support Our Troops" yellow ribbon actually strategically placed on the fuel door of an H3! Are you kidding me? There is a minor point to be argued that we are at war in the Middle East over oil supplies. You look like a moron at 10 mpg, trust me.

My favorite was a "Jesus Loves You!" next to "Speak English or Get Out!" I wish I were kidding about that one. You mean if Jesus himself came up to you speaking his guttural Hebrew or Aramaic? Wow.

In short, I'm just sick of the overt hypocrisy and blatant ignorance perfectly quantified in vinyl. Here's a bumper sticker for my fellow countrymen: "The American People:  Loud, Confident and Wrong since 1776!" Me? I've got the "Out of Work? Hungry? Eat Your Import" on the back of my Ford Crown Victoria, a proud American automobile. Actually, it's made in Canada. I'm pretty sure the sticker is from China.

— Sidney Nemms

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10 thoughts on “Think before you adhere

  1. Media Watcher

    Norman Plombe, another one of today’s letter writers, published this commentary from Sidney Nemms in his blog ( on June 13. Does MountainX have any rule that letters have to be previously unpublished?

  2. reasonable

    Anyone with a bumper sticker on their car is a little sketchy to me regardless of what is says. Pretty funny letter, though.

  3. Margaret Williams

    @Meda Watcher, yes, we ask that letters haven’t been previously published… in another print publication. We don’t spell out anything restriction on blogs.

    And generally speaking, our most regular letter writers have to skip about 6 weeks between submissions (assuming all our other policy requirements are met).

  4. travelah

    Sidney, you remind me of the fellow that had a “I hate bumper stickers” sticker on his car.

  5. bill smith

    I think Sydney wins persnickety old man of the month award!

  6. boatrocker

    Try this fun (and free) activity next time you happen to be walking around downtown. Take a non permanent marker with you- when you find a bumper sticker, merely “edit” it.

    “All One” becomes “A lOne”
    “Love Our Mother” (with the picture of the Earth) becomes “I Loved Your Mother”
    “Don’t Blame me, I voted for…” becomes “Blame me, I voted for…”
    “Honk if you love Jesus/sports team/etc” becomes “Honkey if you love…”
    “Keep Asheville Weird” becomes “Keep Asheville Unaffordable”

    Be sure to use a spotter with an eye peeled for car owners when you do this as many drivers don’t like the idea of improvement on their hard-earned bumper stickers.

  7. dpewen

    “I think Sydney wins persnickety old man of the month award!”

    and runner up is reasonsable!

    Mine say “Legalize It! (pot)” and WNCW … bumper stickers are cool and hip!

  8. reasonable

    I gotta meet this “reasonsable” fellow. Sounds like a cool dude.

    If bumper stickers are what’s keeping the sheet metal on your rusty Subaru from flapping, I would suggest duct tape–stronger, no misconstrued messages and comes in many colors.

    You’re welcome

  9. normanplombe

    @ Media Watcher…. you should start watching at 2:45. Yeah, Sid (who I met via this excellent forum) sent me a copy of his letter to proofread…I thought it was funny and I posted it…I was amazed that you reported it for two reasons: 1- I can’t believe anyone’s looking at Myspace anymore, and 2- I can’t believe anyone’s looking at my asinine blog. Thank you, you’re my #1 (and only) fan!…please don’t tell Warren Zevon I used his words and music too…’cause he’s sleeping, and all.

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