The pregnant results of abstinence

Posted on by Autumn Ward

I am writing this letter to announce my appreciation of the McCain/Palin ticket and their support of my career choice. I am an ultrasound technologist at a local hospital, and I have vast experience with pregnant women such as Sarah and Bristol Palin. Thanks to Bush’s “abstinence in schools” initiative, my business is booming! Like Hillary, I too get the 3 a.m. call: In my case, it is to perform a STAT ultrasound on an expectant young mother-to-be who came in through the ER, to get pictures of her unborn baby.

If I am lucky, Palin and McCain will help pay my bills by getting the chance to veto any bill aimed at educating teens and tweens about where babies come from. To echo Paris [Hilton], I just want to say “Thanks, old white-haired dude” for supporting my livelihood. I couldn’t do it without you. John and Sarah, let’s keep abstinence in schools and keep those babies coming!

—  Autumn Ward
Asheville

SHARE

Thanks for reading through to the end…

We share your inclination to get the whole story. For the past 25 years, Xpress has been committed to in-depth, balanced reporting about the greater Asheville area. We want everyone to have access to our stories. That’s a big part of why we've never charged for the paper or put up a paywall.

We’re pretty sure that you know journalism faces big challenges these days. Advertising no longer pays the whole cost. Media outlets around the country are asking their readers to chip in. Xpress needs help, too. We hope you’ll consider signing up to be a member of Xpress. For as little as $5 a month — the cost of a craft beer or kombucha — you can help keep local journalism strong. It only takes a moment.

About Webmaster
Mountain Xpress Webmaster Follow me @MXWebTeam
View all posts by Webmaster →

Before you comment

The comments section is here to provide a platform for civil dialogue on the issues we face together as a local community. Xpress is committed to offering this platform for all voices, but when the tone of the discussion gets nasty or strays off topic, we believe many people choose not to participate. Xpress editors are determined to moderate comments to ensure a constructive interchange is maintained. All comments judged not to be in keeping with the spirit of civil discourse will be removed and repeat violators will be banned. See here for our terms of service. Thank you for being part of this effort to promote respectful discussion.

6 thoughts on “The pregnant results of abstinence”

  1. jenn mccormack

    I love this (tongue-in-cheek) letter to the editor! As someone who is intimately involved in the birth community as well as a woman and mother in our community (locally and obviously globally), thank you!

  2. evolved

    YEAH!!!!
    It’s amazing how irony works! I also love that she is pro-life/pro-war. What an oxymoron!!!

  3. Standtall

    Show me one person above the age of ten who doesn’t know that sex between a man and woman can lead to pregnancy and I’ll show you a wild polar bear in Georgia. Abstinence in practice equals zero pregnancy.

  5. entopticon

    Thanks for that letter Autumn. It should also be noted that an extremely important facet of sex education is knowledge about the spread of dangerous diseases, which girls are especially vulnerable to.

    Denying young people of sex education in the age of AIDS, cervical cancer, and overpopulation isn’t just ignorant, it’s inhumane.

    Unfortunately, sex education isn’t the only issue that Sarah Palin is frighteningly misguided about. Every woman and concerned man should read Congresswoman Jan Schakowski’s article, which details McCain and Palin’s abysmal record on women’s issues:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rep-jan-schakowsky/warning-to-women-mccain-p_b_125809.html

  6. BusGreg

    Sure Stand Tall, only thing…. Abstinence does NOT work, because young people like to ball. All the pious drivel wont stop kids from having sex! NYU did a study a while back, asking girls who took the abstinence pledge….
    they are:
    > 4 x as likely to engage in anal sex
    > 6 x as likely to engage in oral sex
    > have more teen pregnancies than girls who got real sex-ed
    > have more cases of VD than girls who got real sex-ed
    So sure IF kids stay abstinent it works fine. BUT kids don’t stay abstinent, so give them the tools to avoid pregnancy, rather than getting knocked up like Bristol Palin, who willo now marry the guy who got her pregnant and who, according to his mySpace page doesn’t even want kids!

Leave a Reply

To leave a reply you may Login with your Mountain Xpress account, connect socially or enter your name and e-mail. Your e-mail address will not be published. All fields are required.