My Story: Writing my obituary, a how-to manual and love note

Duncan Grosboll

I’m dying.

We are all dying.

But, unlike most people, I know I’m going down that road within the next year or two. I have an incurable disease, emphysema, that is progressing daily.

I try not to get bummed out about it. It is what it is, and I must say that I’ve had a pretty good life. I graduated from Warren Wilson College in 1980, then owned and operated Duncan’s Plumbing Repairs 1983-2019 and was a soccer referee for 20 years.

So, I try to make the best of the time I have left and stay positive.

I’m writing this because I have some thoughts to share on the subject of dying.

My wife, Kim Grugan, and I had two of our best friends over for dinner recently. They are about the same age as us, late 60s.

I was talking to my friend’s wife, and I mentioned that I had started to write my own obituary. She was impressed and thought it was a good idea.

The main reason I started it was because I read the obits every day. Most are written by grieving relatives, and it seems like an afterthought. Although there is the occasional obit that tells a wonderful story of that person’s life and seems like a well-thought-out tribute.

The obit I have started for myself is more or less a general idea of what it will eventually be.  I’m just putting the pieces in a pile, and I will leave it to my family to finish it when the time comes.

I also told my friend that I’m writing a “How-to Manual” for my wife to reference when I’m gone. She was really excited to hear this and immediately told her husband that he should make one for her.

I have been very handy around the house my whole life, fixing just about anything. And I have kept up with technology as best I can. Even though I have told my wife how to deal with some of these issues, she forgets.

So, I started taking note of all the little things, like how to:

  • Restart the ice maker when it jams up.
  • Return the TV to proper working order after a power outage.
  • Turn the power and water on and off.
  • Replace the furnace and water filters.
  • Connect the generator properly.
  • Replace batteries in certain important things.
  • Perform yearly maintenance on household appliances.

I also made a huge list of all important passwords and made sure she knows what services (like Amazon, PayPal and Hulu) she will have to rejoin when my credit card stops working. Also, how to close my bank accounts and what insurance policies there are.

So, if you want to make it easier on your loved ones when you pass on,  take a look around and determine what pertinent information you can leave behind for them. Be sure to tell them about anything valuable you might have locked away in the bank or buried in the backyard.

And don’t forget to tell them you love them.

— Duncan Grosboll
Asheville

Duncan Grosboll has lived in Asheville since 1975.

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One thought on “My Story: Writing my obituary, a how-to manual and love note

  1. L

    Hi Duncan,
    This hurts my heart to read, but you are so right in your advice. I needed a plumber the other day and thought of you, so I wanted to take a moment to say, “Hello!” – Lauren, Johnny and Sharon’s daughter

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