The Fourth Annual More-or-Less Live Oscar Coverage

In the interest of perpetuating the late, great Ken Hanke’s tradition of complaining about pretty people being handed statues of a nude man with a sword, I’ll be here all night to comment on whatever egregious misdeeds are perpetuated by the self-congratulatory masses of the Hollywood establishment. By all means feel free to weigh in with your own comments and complaints as you see fit, but please keep it clean if at all possible.


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155 thoughts on “The Fourth Annual More-or-Less Live Oscar Coverage

  1. Francis X. Friel

    Is it too late to pay off the camera operator to hold on Aubrey Plaza while they’re calling out the Best Actress nominees?

  2. Scott Douglas

    Do you think Kimmel will talk about his Man Show past in reference to Weinstein?

    • Francis X. Friel

      I hear he’s got the trampolines lined up out back and he’s gonna pull a Kaufman milk-and-cookies on the audience at the end of the show.

      • Scott Douglas

        The next Asheville pastry stout — Kaufman’s Milk and Cookie Surprise

  3. Francis X. Friel

    Auughhhhhh I really wished they’d just run the clip of Harrelson spitting out blood.

  4. Scott Douglas

    Rolex has got some big names shilling for them this year. Wonder what the gift bags look like?

  5. Scott Douglas

    Phantom Thread was obviously a lock for Costume Design. I’m not completely sure why there were other nominees this year.

  6. Matt Hammitt

    Rockwell’s inheriting that Christopher Walken disease where you don’t lose your hair but it just dries out and starts to look like one of those tiny cinnamon brooms they sell in Cracker Barrel gift shops.

  7. Francis X. Friel

    Really glad they found a way to stick PJ’s King Kong into a montage.

  8. Francis X. Friel

    I hope every ceremony from now on makes a reference to LA LA LAND not winning best picture. People need to remember.

  9. Matt Hammitt

    Somebody tell Ansel Elgort that people literally change their names all the time.

  10. Francis X. Friel

    If getting an Oscar is all it takes for Nolan to keep making shorter movies then I’m all for it.

  11. Francis X. Friel

    I’m stealing “white Chris Pine” just so everyone’s aware.

  12. Scott Douglas

    And the award for imitating Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s production design goes to… Shape of Water!

  13. Lydia

    Got a late start but finally caught up! So far the only award I had an opinion on was Supporting Actor. I was rooting for Woody, but Sam Rockwell is a good choice, too.

  14. Scott Douglas

    I had forgotten what a strong category Best Foreign Language Film was this year, but I agree that A Fantastic Woman was a fantastic choice.

  15. Francis X. Friel

    Who was the editing intern that insisted on sticking The Year of Living Dangerously into this montage?

  16. Scott Douglas

    You think they’re going to give Supporting Actress to Laurie Metcalf just to push the Rosanne reboot?

  17. Scott Douglas

    The most excited I’ve heard the crowd that I’m watching with? BB-8 presenting Best Animated Short.

  18. Scott Douglas

    You know, why would you give the Animated Film award to the only oil painted feature in history when you have a Pixar movie?

    • Francis X. Friel

      I’m pretty sure the award was for pulling that OLAF short film from the print. People REALLY hated that one.

    • Lydia

      Yeah…*sigh* The last few Disney/Pixar features disappointed me, so I haven’t even seen Coco yet. Or any of the nominees besides Loving Vincent, though I have a feeling Breadwinner would’ve also been a deserving winner.

  19. Francis X. Friel

    If these dorks all marched in and interrupted me while I was watching a movie I’d be SO MAD.

  20. Lydia

    On the one hand, the stunt will probably be fun for those involved, but leaps to mind as one of the things they could easily cut for time.

  21. Scott Douglas

    I wonder how much Sour Patch Kids had to pay to get featured in those candy baskets?

    • Francis X. Friel

      I hate this. People throwing things in front of movie screens makes me so nervous.

    • Lydia

      One of the Chicago Tribune columnists today ran a list of 10 women who would make great hosts (Oprah, of course, was #1).

      • Scott Douglas

        Can you host when you’re President? Does Vice President Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson have to fill in while she’s gone?

  22. Scott Douglas

    Is it wrong that I can never see Geena Davis without thinking of Transylvania 6-5000?

    • Francis X. Friel

      I picture her with a gigantic pterodactyl face and her eyes at the back of her tongue.

  23. Francis X. Friel

    I take it back. Let them have their velvet jackets if this is the alternative.

    • Scott Douglas

      No, he gave it to its rightful owners —Scott Frank, Michael Green, and James Mangold

  24. Scott Douglas

    Glad to see Deakins take Best Cinematography for Blade Runner. Seemed like an obvious choice to me, but that usually means it’s an impossibility when it comes to the Academy.

  25. Scott Douglas

    And the Oscar for category Scott least cares about goes to Best Song!

  26. Francis X. Friel

    Couldn’t afford the clip of Moreau doing the choo choo train trick, huh?

  27. Scott Douglas

    And the award for Best Director goes to — Alejandro Jodorowsky for Endless Poetry!

  28. Scott Douglas

    A famous white British dude wins an award for playing a famous white British dude? ? Now I’ve seen everything…

    • Francis X. Friel

      How bonkers would it have been if he’d worn his Churchill mask onstage?

  29. Scott Douglas

    Fun fact — Frances McDormand bought pilsners at Bruisn’ Ales, where I worked all day, and both she and Sam Rockwell are members of The Prospect, where I’m currently typing this. Coincidence?

    Yes. I think so.

    • Francis X. Friel

      I sold Joel a ticket to Masculin Feminin about fourteen years ago. And now look!

      • Scott Douglas

        We put the Magic Touch on them. You’re welcome, talented people. You’re welcome.

    • Scott Douglas

      I mean, I guess showing Paddington’s mom masturbating in the first act wins awards? Don’t ask me, I just work here…

  30. Lydia

    (It seems like just a few years ago The Post would have been a shoo-in.)

    • Scott Douglas

      The Post was easily the worst movie in this category. So yes, it would’ve won most years

  31. Scott Douglas

    Well, I guess that does it for this year’s Oscars coverage. I have to say that I was disappointed that Three Billboards Didn’t take Best Picture, but maybe I’m more disappointed that J. Arthur’s didn’t take Best Restaurant in a Feature Film. Thank you to everyone for joining the conversation, and I hope to see you all here again next year.

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