Cranky Hanke’s Best and Worst Picks for 2006

It was the year that Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest saved the film industry’s bacon. It was the year that the Internet buzz told us that Snakes on a Plane was going to be the bee’s knees — or perhaps the viper’s fangs — and the resulting so-so box office made a lot of people rethink just how important the Internet actually is to a movie’s success. It was the year of diminishing returns, where mediocre sequels (X-Men: The Last Stand, Superman Returns, Mission: Impossible III, Basic Instinct 2) and less than mediocre remakes (Poseidon, The Omen, The Wicker Man) underwhelmed both artistically and at the box office.

And it was the year that found me reminding my friends far too many times to remind me that I wanted this job, which was something of a surprise since 2006 started off rather agreeably with the stylish Casanova (technically a 2005 release, but one that didn’t play most places till 2006). Casanova was followed in less than a month by the charming Nanny McPhee, and the year seemed to kick into high gear shortly afterwards with Running Scared, V for Vendetta and Inside Man. After that, the pleasures became increasingly scarce, with even some of the pleasures being dwarfed by the enormity of the behemoth turkeys bulldozing their way onto the screen. Fortunately, by the end of the year things had evened out to a fairly even mix of good, not bad, painless and “For the love of God, make it stop!” — with about 20 movies I’d call great.

1. Pan’s Labyrinth. To say that I was surprised by Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth is an understatement. I’d liked his Cronos (1993), thought Mimic (1997) was OK, found The Devil’s Backbone (2001) overrated, felt that Blade II was pretty awful, and was only mildly amused by Hellboy (2004). Nothing about his filmography suggested anything as rich, rewarding and powerful as Pan’s Labyrinth. It’s a hard picture to describe exactly. It isn’t quite a horror picture or a fantasy or an indictment of fascism … yet, it’s all those things. However, for a movie that isn’t quite a horror picture, it has the scariest sequence I’ve seen since Samara came out of the TV in The Ring (2002). The best way to describe the film is to say it’s probably about what you’d get if Jean Cocteau and Luis Bu/+/-uel collaborated on a film. It hasn’t opened here yet, but keep a lookout — and, yes, it’s in Spanish with subtitles. Deal with it — you won’t regret it.

2. Shortbus. Here’s a film that’s a tough sell because it contains hardcore porn. In fact, it would be — and has been — dismissed by a lot of people as pornography. But really, John Cameron Mitchell’s follow-up to Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001) is much more than pornography. It’s a deep, deeply beautiful film about people seeking connections with other people, about people wanting to feel something in a world they’ve been numbed by. It’s a truly remarkable work — unflinchingly brave and with the biggest heart of any movie made this year.

3. A Prairie Home Companion. Robert Altman’s swan song was my number-one film for months, and I really had to tussle to decide the order in which I’d finally list the first three films on this list. It was especially tempting to give it the top spot given Altman’s death, which gave this incredible — and incredibly funny and touching — meditation on death an extra resonance. And in most ways, I’d say that it’s every bit as good as the first two films on this list. We’re only talking relative levels of superlatives here. Fans of Garrison Keillor’s radio show sometimes take issue with the film because it isn’t the show, but it was never meant to be. Rather, it’s an extension of the show and the show’s attitude. And that’s as it should be. Otherwise, all it would be is a souvenir, instead of a separate work of art.

4. Stranger Than Fiction. The fact that I have a movie starring Will Ferrell on my top-10 list is probably as much a sign of the apocalypse as the appearance of Little Man and Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector in the same calendar year. Nevertheless, Marc Forster’s comedy drama about a poor schlub (Ferrell) who discovers that he’s a character in a book, and that his character is slated to die at the end of that book, is just too fine to ignore. For that matter, Ferrell is very good in it. (No, I am not forgiving him for Talladega Nights or Kicking and Screaming.)

5. Idlewild. Bryan Barber’s all-black Depression-era musical starring Andre Benjamin and Antwan A. Patton (collectively known as Outkast) is one of the most wildly creative films of the year — flawed to a degree, but with enough energy, invention and cinematic chutzpah to merit the number-five slot here. Hell, even its flaws are interesting.

6. Volver. The latest from the great Pedro Alomod/>=var (whose retrospective made the moviegoing year brighter) is another gem — a sly ghost story that isn’t a ghost story, but that is certainly mystical, as well as warmly human and funny. Penelope Cruz is positively luminous, and Carmen Maura is terrific. It astonishes me to realize that Almod/>=var hasn’t made a bad movie in 20 years! It won’t play here till sometime in January or February, so don’t miss it.

7. The Departed. This will top a lot of lists, and while it doesn’t top mine, I have to say that Martin Scorsese’s over-the-top, gangsters-and-cops saga is one of the year’s most enjoyable and brilliantly directed films.

8. The History Boys. This just got added to my list (it bumped The Fountain), since I only saw it a few nights ago. Sure, it’s another in a long line of Brit films about school, but it’s perhaps the best and most perceptive to date. It crackles with witty and poignant dialogue, and the performances are all first-rate.

9. Venus. Here’s another one that hasn’t hit town yet — a comedic, yet touching portrait of old age and youth from the pen of Hanif Kureishi (My Beautiful Laundrette), beautifully directed by Roger Michell (Notting Hill), and starring Peter O’Toole in a performance that ought to get him an Oscar (though it probably won’t).

10. Scoop. Woody Allen in top form — and allowing himself to age gracefully at last — gets a wonderfully comedic performance from the usually wooden Scarlett Johansson in a terrific little film of a sort too rarely seen these days.

There were other strong contenders, too — The Fountain, Little Miss Sunshine, The Science of Sleep, Running with Scissors, Running Scared, The Prestige, Thank You for Smoking, The Devil Wears Prada, V for Vendetta, Inside Man and, yes, the deeply flawed Silent Hill (what works in it is choice).

And on the other side of the coin, this year’s hall of shame is headed by:

1. Little Man. Isn’t it time legislation was passed prohibiting the Wayans Brothers from making movies?

2. Date Movie. I didn’t think it was possible for anything rated PG-13 to be this offensive.

3. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. The existence of this makes one despair for humankind. The only saving grace is that it bombed.

4. Basic Instinct 2. Maybe if Sharon Stone had forgotten her panties and crossed her legs again, this overheated rubbish would have fared better at the box office.

5. A Scanner Darkly. Will someone please tell Richard Linklater that he’s just not profound?

6. Little Children. A lot of people think this airless, condescending suburban drama from Todd Field (In the Bedroom) is brilliant. I hated it more than the worst movie on this list.

7. R.V.. When was the last time Robin Williams was funny?

8. Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World. I’m still looking for comedy in any Albert Brooks movie.

9. See No Evil. Being the worst horror film of 2006 is no small accomplishment. See below.

10. BloodRayne. Uwe Boll’s masterpiece of bad horror filmmaking is so sublimely awful that it’s actually entertaining.

And, of course, the coveted Pootie Tang Award, which this year goes to Jackass Number Two for helping to set back the art of comedy at least 100 years.