As a movie reviewer I probably spend more time in theaters than the average person. As a movie reviewer who—writing being a far from lucrative occupation—spent years working in theaters as well, I can guarantee that statement. In those capacities over the years, I’ve learned an awful lot about movie houses, how they work, what they do right, and what they do wrong. And I’ve also gotten a pretty good sense of what audiences do and don’t understand about how theaters work.

Thank Clapton for the appearance of Barney’s Version (starts Friday at Fine Arts) this week, because the remaining local openers are not exactly an enthralling prospect. In fact, it’s the sort of selection that causes it to look like this might just be the weekend to look into those mahjong lessons you’ve been putting off for far too long.

In case you missed the fact, Monday is Valentine’s Day, and the day means a movie, this year—well, you’re kind of out of luck. Or you’re not exactly choosy. First of all, let’s make one thing perfectly clear—no matter what it’s title may imply, there is no way in hell that Blue Valentine is a good idea for this purpose. (I’m assuming you aren’t wanting to break up, mind you.) That leaves you with what? Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston in Just Go with It? This duo doesn’t exactly spell romance to me.

It’s the dead of winter, I know, and the movies have a tendency to be rather grim at this time of year. However, there’s usually some relief from this as the stragglers of the previous year’s limited release offerings make their way into the provinces. And, of course, that’s happening, but last year that included Pedro Almodovar’s colorful and playful neo-noir Broken Embraces and Terry Gilliam’s fantastic and fantasticated The Imaginarium of Dr. Paranassus. This year it seems to be largely grim, grimmer, and grimmest.

It’s another four movie weekend where I’ve already seen half of the movies. That means that Another Year and Biutiful—both starting Friday at The Carolina—are reviewed in this week’s Xpress. What does that leave? Well, there’s what looks like bargain basement horror with The Roommate and underwater 3D suspense with Sanctum. The former is so far only down for the Carmike and Epic, while the latter will be everywhere except the Beaucatcher. I can’t say either one sets my pulse pounding with anticipation.

So the Oscar nominations were announced bright and early on Tuesday. Actually, it was probably dark and early in Los Angeles, but since we all know the only real time is Eastern Standard Time (read: New York time), they pretend it’s morning out there. (Similarly, they will pretend it’s a gala evening instead of late afternoon on Feb. 27. It’s a funny old world.) And there was nary a surprise in the lot, which wasn’t much of a surprise in itself. That, of course, doesn’t mean that most of us don’t feel compelled to attempt to dope out the results on at least the major awards.

A free screening of Christopher Smith’s Black Death takes place at 10 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 28, at Carolina Asheville (1640 Hendersonville Road). Free if you know the magic word, that is.

I’m sitting here with Michael Curtiz’s The Sea Hawk (1940) playing off to the side. It’s a movie I’ve seen enough times over the years—starting at about the age of 15—that I can “watch” it without watching it too closely or getting distracted into watching the whole thing before I realize it. On my desk are two films—Kurosawa’s High and Low (1963) and William Friedkin’s The Night They Raided Minsky’s (1968)—that I have to watch and review by mid-day Monday at the latest. I have this column to attend to, and reviews to write for The Way Back and Blue Valentine. And this is a light weekend comparatively speaking. I’m not complaining, mind you, but I also have a growing stack (literally and otherwise) of movies I want to watch, but when?

So, are there two or three movies opening this week? Well, that’s still not clear—thanks to the Monday holiday. In other words, what I know at this point is that No Strings Attached and The Way Back are opening, and The Company Men either is or it isn’t. I’m not in the least sure that anyone cares that much. All in all, this simply doesn’t look like a week designed to set the box office ablaze.

About a week ago a friend of mine argued that Hammer horror movies were considered adult fare and were “rated accordingly,” which I knew was demonstrably wrong—at least in America for the first 11 years of the studio’s heyday. Yesterday my mother forwarded me one of those annoying e-mails extolling how “great” things used to be that asserted that movies didn’t used to need ratings because they were made by “responsible people” who made sure they were suitable for “everyone.” I knew that was pretty much banana oil. These two things—along with various bouts of balderdash I’ve heard over the years—prompted me to offer this column in an attempt to set a few things straight.

Assuming that you can get out of your house this weekend (something that’s not at all certain with me), there are three new movies opening on Friday: The Green Hornet, Made in Dagenham and The Dilemma. One of these I’ve seen. One of them I’m curious about. One of them makes me think being snowed in might not be so bad.

This Screening Room is something of an experiment. It’s the result of me having started keeping a not-entirely-comprehensive diary of movies I’ve watched that I didn’t have to review in some fashion—and which I think it reasonably improbable I’ll ever have occasion to review. The results are more reactions than reviews, but I thought they might be of some interest. They might ultimately be of some referential value, too, if someone in the technical department of the paper can come up with some method of cataloguing them in a separate archive alphabetically—and if I keep doing them. In any case, here are my short reviews on ten movies—mustered in alphabetical order.

Cranky Hanke’s 10 best This strikes me as a curious year — a good year, but not quite a great one. Maybe that’s why I’ve spent more time struggling with this list than in any previous year. I’ve shifted more titles around than usual. I never did get on board The Social Network bandwagon (it […]