Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Dec. 2-8: One of those weeks

The good news is that Fantastic Mr. Fox (review in this week’s Xpress), Pirate Radio, A Serious Man and An Education are all still in town. In fact, while Fantastic Mr. Fox underperformed most places, it did considerably above the national average locally – a pattern I expect to hold if it has the Asheville appeal of Wes Anderson’s last two films.

Cranky Hanke’s Screening Room: Twilight of my discontent

Since I started reviewing movies for the Xpress a few years ago, it’s been my policy (and a notion I picked up from Ken) to watch as many theatrical releases as possible, especially the great big blockbusters that clog up multiplexes every week. Part of this is necessary for building the movie fan’s greatest asset, a frame of reference, but also to understand what is happening within the world of film at large.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Nov. 18-23: Beefy boys-a-poppin’ and a serious man

From a pop-culture standpoint, this is the week when, like a plague of locusts, The Twilight Saga: New Moon arrives on way too many screens. What is there to say? The two most vapid “stars” of our age—Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson—are back. Expect lots of beefy werewolf boys—sans shirts—and the requisite amount of “soulful” close-ups of the leads.

Cranky Hanke’s Screening Room: Five from the vault

Having been thwarted in my attempts to record Murders in the Zoo from TCM recently, I took advantage of the fact that the showing was in part to promote TCM’s partnering with Universal to bring out a box set of five loosely defined “classic” horror movies—part of their “Vault Collection”—that had yet to make it to DVD. I immediately ordered the set.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Nov. 11-17: The end of the world and a film festival

There are only two mainstream releases this week: the inevitable 2012 cash-in, 2012, and Pirate Radio. The former is from big-budget schlockmeister Roland Emmerich, who gave us such incredibly silly trash as The Day After Tomorrow (2004) and 10,000 B.C. (2008). That should tell you as much as you need to know about 2012—possibly more than you need to know.

Cranky Hanke’s Screening Room: When did you first fall in love with the movies?

I realize that this is a presumptuous question that supposes that the reader did fall in love with the movies in the first place. Still, I’m assuming for argument’s sake that such a condition probably has something to do with the reason you’re reading this column in the first place. The question in my mind is whether this was a cumulative thing for people or if there’s some outstanding defining moment that brought this about.

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler: Nov. 4-10: Vampires, goats and three spirits

A more than usually interesting array of movies comes our way this week—including another challenge to local moviegoers to get out and support the kind of non-mainstream film I’m always being asked about. In this case, I specifically refer to Park Chan-wook’s take on the vampire film, Thirst, which opens this Friday at the Carolina Asheville.

Cranky Hanke’s Screening Room: Seven movies, five days, culture shock

As those of you who read these columns reguarly know, I was in Florida last week—in large part to bring a long-lost (well, sort of) friend who hadn’t seen a new movie since probably the early 1990s into the 21st century of films. I discussed the choices—and potential choices—a column back, so it seems only reasonable to bring everyone up to date and how the experiment went.

Cranky Hanke’s Screening Room: Intergalac­tic imbeciles and other shoddy plans

With Ken gallivanting around sunny Florida this week, the duty of producing a Screening Room has fallen into my well-manicured hands. For those of you looking for the usual Hanke wit and wisdom, do not be disappointed, because I give you something better, the most important, insightful bit of film criticism you will read in the next five to seven minutes, an article on how movie aliens are stupid.

Cranky Hanke’s Screening Room: A crash course for the 21st century in film

I have a friend who hasn’t actually seen a movie made after 1995. He’s of course heard things about the state of modern film, and what he’s heard hasn’t enticed him to venture into it. Naturally, I’ve taken it upon myself—with his seemingly enthusiastic permission—to bring him into the 21st century of movies. The trick is I have five—maybe six—days in which to do this. The question then is how to do this?

Cranky Hanke’s Weekly Reeler Sept. 30-Oct. 6: Michael Moore comes to town, controvers­y follows

Considering the fact that the first time I saw the trailer for Michael Moore’s Capitalism: A Love Story some admirer yelled, “You suck!” from the back of the theater, and since the Fine Arts Theatre lost one poster for the film to some wit who scrawled an expletive across it, I’d say that we’re in for the usual controversy that lies in the wake of every Moore film.